John Montgomery Presents - The Creep of the Week - 12/11/99

John Montgomery Presents This Week's	December 11, 1999	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	Boris Yeltsin

	A New Breakthrough in Russian-Chinese Relations

Update: December 31, 1999 - Boris has resigned as President of Russia, only days after being named Creep of the Week. Coincidence? I think not!

What do you get when you combine Richard Nixon's ethics, Ronald Reagan's deep thinking ability, Bill Clinton's morals and a quart of vodka a day? Boris Yeltsin, the President of Russia, that's what. You might also want to add pneumonia, heart bypass surgery, shingles, bad breath, hemorrhoids and a serious case of craziness. Boris shows up in public these days looking like a vacant-eyed zombie with a corn cob up his ass, holding on tight to some frightened lackey, wobbling and stumbling like the drunken madman he's been all these years. But it really gets scary when he opens his mouth.

This week, while visiting China to get support for Russia's war against Chechen rebels, Boris toppled into a press conference to toss a few threats towards his old friend Clinton. Bill's had some harsh words to say lately about Boris' brutal atrocities in Chechnya, and Boris let it be known that Bill had better remember who he's up against and back off right now, buddy: "President Clinton permitted himself to put pressure on Russia. It seems he has for a minute forgotten that Russia has a full arsenal of nuclear weapons."

Huh? What the hell does that mean, you bloated, guzzling, saber-rattling, hammer-and-sickle-toting sot? Who are you going to aim those nukes at? Chechnya? China? Chelsea? Have you been sucking on a crack pipe along with that vodka bottle? All that was missing was Boris pounding his shoe on the table threatening to bury us.

How does a contemptible, cantankerous, crank-wanker like Boris stay in power anyway? In addition to his physical and emotional problems, there are accusations of corruption and bribery, the latest volley of Image: Dancing Boris Spy vs. Spy between the US and Russia, endless Kremlin intrigue, and those pathetically embarrassing moments every time he makes an appearance somewhere. For instance, look at the picture at the top of the page and try to guess what Boris is doing to Chinese President Jiang Zemin: Is Boris is A) Hugging Jiang, B) Falling into Jiang, or C) Humping Jiang with his Little Red Rooski? Probably all three. And no one will ever forget Boris' 1996 foray onto the stage at a rock concert in Rostov when he boogied with a line of dancing girls, looking like an overfed monkey with Attention Deficit Disorder.

And now this clown says he's going to blow us all into little red, white and blue pieces. Bill laughed this latest Boris Bender off, saying, "Hey, you bumbling booze-hound, have you forgotten who propped you up during the last election? Do you want to continue receiving American economic assistance? And who's that chick you were dancing with?"

Boris needs help. I think a combination of Betty Ford, Martha Stewart and Judge Judy might fix most of his problems. And maybe Lorraine Bobbit, too. Jiang would like that.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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