John Montgomery Presents This Week's	November 27, 1999	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	Rae Carruth
	Jock Itchy Trigger Finger

See Rae. See Rae run down the football field. He's a jock. A rich jock. A rich and famous jock. He's so rich and famous, he doesn't think like a normal person. In fact, Rae doesn't do much thinking at all. See Rae's ridiculous looking cone-headed shaped skull? It's completely empty! And that empty skull is going to be spending a long time in jail having some sense pounded into it.

There's nothing new about dumb jocks. They're all over our football fields, basketball courts and TV screens. What is it about sports that causes such a high percentage of the guys who excel at them to be so stupid? Maybe it's those steroids that shrink their brains (and their balls) to pea-sized replicas of the originals. Maybe it's the coddling they get from teachers and school administrators starting at the first moment they show some exceptional athletic ability. Dumb jocks are OK as long as they're doing what they're paid to do. But watch out once they take those uniforms off.

Rae Carruth, a wide receiver for the Carolina Panthers and the team's top draft pick in 1997, may be among the dumbest jocks ever to put his brainless head into a helmet. First, he got his girlfriend, Cherica Adams, pregnant. That by itself is not too bright, but it happens to lots of otherwise intelligent people, so we'll give Rae a break on that one. When you get the girlfriend pregnant, there are several alternatives. You know the list. None of them are too pleasant, but you both figure out which is the right one and go with it. That's what people do when they're un-famous, un-rich and athletically challenged.

Rae evidently thought he was different. Why should a rich and famous dumb jock have to endure any of the unpleasant ordeals that mere mortals have to? He didn't like any of the alternatives available to deal with his pregnant girlfriend, so he came up with another one. Perhaps inspired by OJ Simpson, the patron saint of the "I'm a rich and famous dumb jock and I can get away with anything" attitude, Rae decided to kill Cherica in a drive-by shooting. Two weeks ago, Rae and a couple of his buds drove up to the expectant mother's car and filled it full of lead, hitting Cherica four times. She and her baby boy, who was delivered 10 weeks prematurely by emergency surgery after the shooting, are in critical condition. They arrested Rae and his pals this week, charging them with conspiracy to commit first degree murder, attempted murder and shooting into an occupied vehicle.

They should also charge Rae for being feloniously stupid. Who else did he think the cops would suspect? When somebody shoots to kill an innocent, pregnant, unmarried lady, it's gonna be that evil-looking, dumb jock of a boyfriend who gets the first visit from the investigators. First they impounded his car, which was likely the one used in the shooting. Also not too bright, Rae. Then it seems to have been one of his fellow would-be murderers, William E. Watkins, who spilled the beans. Rae's friends are obviously not of the caliber of OJ's. Rae is still in jail, trying to scrape up $1.5 million in bail, which for him is about two years pay.

So, ladies, when the rich and famous jock comes knocking at your door with that long schlong which he wants to park in your poontang lot, ask yourself a few questions: Is this guy stupid enough to put out a contract on me if he knocks me up? Can't I do any better than a scurvy sucking toad like this?  And most importantly, after spending thirty seconds staring at Rae's picture above, do I want my future offspring to look like a bald-headed, dim-witted chimpanzee with earrings?