John Montgomery Presents This Week's	October 30, 1999	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	Aaron McKinney
	Too Gay To Die

One time when I was about six years old, the neighborhood bully, who had flunked first grade a few times and always smelled like the inside of an outhouse, threw me down on the ground into a pile of something I used to call dog doo. Deep Dog Doo-Doo. I was so traumatized by that event, that ever since, I go into an uncontrollable rage whenever I get a whiff, however slight, of what I now call Pooch Poop. Now, as an adult, my rage becomes voraciously violent when I see some dog-owning deviate allowing his pet to pinch a loaf on my front lawn. In fact, some day my Pooch Poop Panic may be overpowering enough to force me to grab one of those bastards, bash his head in with a gun handle and tie him to a fence post like a scarecrow. And it won't be my fault!

Sound like a laughable and ludicrous excuse for killing someone? No more so than Aaron McKinney's excuse for beating Matthew Shepard to death. Aaron and his pal Russell Henderson killed Matthew in the manner described above because Matthew made a homosexual advance to Aaron in a Wyoming bar. They got caught soon after, and Russell, facing the death penalty, took the man's way out by pleading guilty to murder and kidnapping. He's now serving two life terms in prison and enjoying every moment of it. Aaron, however, chose to go to trial and this week revealed his strategy to avoid the death penalty: The Gay Panic defense.

It seems that Aaron, who's been unfairly portrayed as a macho, homo-phobic he-man, has actually been taking it up the ass for so long that it now resembles a shelter for homeless gerbils. He was sexually abused by other boys beginning when he was five, and when he was seven, a bully forced him to perform oral sex. Back in those days, Aaron's butt and mouth were two of the most popular places in Wyoming.

So how does one deal with a hang-up like that? Kill those friggin' faggot fairies dead and claim Gay Panic! They banged you - you bang them! Steal their Tinky Winky dolls and pack the fudge packers off to Jerry Falwell!

Yep, Aaron's a flamer all right. Another flaming psychopath who'll do or say anything to save his poor, ravaged ass when it's about to be fried. I'm sure Aaron's current and future roommates will be delighted to hear about this particular turn of events.

Personally, I don't care who you have sex with. You can even do it with your dog if you want to. Just keep him off my lawn.