John Montgomery Presents This Week's	August 21, 1999	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	George W. Bush
	George Blows His No's

Whatever George W. Bush stuck up his nose back in his young and irresponsible days is about to come spewing back out in a big snotty lump. George is the leading contender for the Republican presidential nomination, having raised more money and gained more support than all his competitors combined. He also seems to have done more drugs than all of them combined.

Up until this week, George has dismissed any questions about his wild and crazy past with such evasive, mealy-mouthed non-answers as:
 

And my personal favorite: "If they don't like it, they can find someone else to vote for."

Actually, hearing a bit of that "None of your business and kiss my ass" attitude from a politician is rather refreshing. The baby boomer generation of politicians (e.g. Susan Molinari) has had some big trouble in coming clean about its drug use. Unfortunately for George, this week the press (and some of his fellow Republicans) goaded him into showing that although he's no longer young and irresponsible, he's still capable of making mistakes.

Mistake #1: Asked whether he could pass the current FBI background check for White House appointees that requires being drug-free for seven years, George triumphantly answered "Absolutely!"

Mistake #2: Asked whether he could pass the 15-year standard that was in place when his father was President, he did a quick mental calculation and answered "Yes!"

Mistake #3: Asked whether he could pass the same 15-year test when his father was Vice President, George tried to revert back to his old ways, "That's the game in American politics and I refuse to play it."

Mistake #4: George lost his cool and started blaming his political opponents for the drug rumors. "Do I think they are being planted? I know they are being planted, and they are ridiculous and they're absurd and the people of America are sick and tired of this kind of politics and I am not participating."

The rest of the Republican candidates, who have all stated explicitly that they've never used any illegal drugs, acted pretty smug. Steve Forbes said he didn't plant any rumors. Gary Bauer, the leading Christian conservative said, "I think it would be wrong for any possible Republican Presidential nominee to refuse to say clearly and distinctly that they've not used drugs." Dan Quayle said he once tried to smoke potatoe peels, but they were too big to fit in the rolling papers, and the only things he ever puts up his nose are his own fingers.

George has another problem. In 1997, as the Governor of Texas, he signed a law that toughens penalties for people convicted of selling or possessing less than one gram of cocaine. Apparently, there are no provisions for people who are just being young and irresponsible.

Maybe it's time to just play it straight, George. Enough skating around the truth. Your lead in the polls ought to be strong enough to let you coast through if you'd tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, don't you think? No, says George, "I do not want to send signals to anybody that what Governor Bush did 30 years is cool to try.'' Why not, Gov? What signals are you worried about? If you do drugs, you might grow up to become a Governor and then the leading candidate to be the President of the United States? You shouldn't do drugs unless your Daddy is the Vice President? Doing drugs affects your ability to tell the truth?

Last year we all heard the jokes about how Bill Clinton's nose got bigger and redder whenever he neglected to tell the truth. George just gets that white stuff all over his.