Creep of the Week - June 5, 1999

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Where Are They Now?
"A Visit To The Old Creep's Home"

What happens to all those old Creeps? Where the hell do they all go? Do they fade quietly into the night, sinking into obscure anonymity? Are they Creeps forever? Can they be redeemed? Do the dead ones stay dead? Do questions like this keep you up at night? If so, my advice is to 1) Get a life and 2) Read on, because today we're taking a nostalgic trip down memory lane to catch up on the recent activities of a few of our favorites.

The Politicians
 

  • Bill Clinton - It may be hard to remember now, but Bill got in a heap of trouble for placing certain parts of his body in places where they shouldn't have been. Now he's putting parts of many bodies in Kosovo, where they shouldn't be. Any other government parts that aren't nailed down are being stolen by the Chinese. What's worse? Don't you blow-job and perjury impeachment guys wish you'd waited?

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  • Ken Starr - Fading fast. He's had two hung juries recently - Susan McDougal and Julie Hiatt Steele. Reporters don't call him anymore. And the big one got away. Six months from now, you'll see a picture of that chick in the beret and say, "Kaczynski? Lupinsky? Buttinsky?"

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  • Newt Gingrich - He got the heave-ho from his own fraternity brothers and he's been pretty quiet since then, except for an occasional speech to remind us that he's still an unregenerate crank. But have you noticed that Slobodan Milosevic started hitting the airwaves the minute Newt left town? Coincidence? Have a look. Seems mighty suspicious to me. Has anyone ever seen these two guys together at the same time?




    • The Killers
     

  • Russell Weston - He stormed the Capital building last summer and shot two guards to death. He was found to be mentally incompetent to stand trail after telling psychiatrists that he was trying to prevent the United States from being overrun by legions of cannibals. That's hardly the strangest paranoid fantasy to come from Washington recently. Russell ought to run for Congress. No one would notice anything different.

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  • Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney - Macho monsters from Wyoming who killed Matthew Shepard and hung him from a fence post like a scarecrow because he was gay. Russell pleaded guilty and was sentenced to two life terms, one for the murder and an extra one just in case he doesn't get enough gaiety in jail the first time.

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  • John William King - He was the ringleader of the three white racist pigs who chained black James Byrd to the back of their truck and dragged him to death through the streets of Jasper, Texas. John got nailed with Murder One and a death sentence. John better hope the guards in hell aren't black.

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  • Michael Sanders - One of five fake bounty hunters who broke into a home in Arizona and killed two residents there. Michael managed to get into more trouble even as he was being tried and convicted for first degree murder. He and his court-appointed public defender, Carmen Fischer, were pawing, petting and porking each other, sometimes on jail house video. Carmen was subsequently removed from Michael's case and fired by the county. Does Bill Clinton need another lawyer?

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  • Thomas Koskovich - One of two degenerates who ambushed a pizza delivery vehicle, killing both occupants, just so they could see what it was like to kill somebody, Thomas was convicted and could get the death penalty. Mushrooms, pepperoni and lethal injection, please.

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  • Darlie Routier - This Texas mom was convicted and sentenced to death for killing her two little boys. I've received more email about this case than anything else I've written. Darlie continues to protest her innocence from death row and she has large numbers of supporters on her side, as well as the inevitable web site. If I'm ever in the slammer, I hope I have that many friends left.

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    The Scumbags
     

  • John and David Kingston - These two Utah polygamists ran into trouble when John gave his brother David a wedding present: John's 16-year-old daughter, who was to become David's 15th wife. John pleaded guilty to second degree child abuse and could get 15 years. David is currently on trial for incest and unlawful sexual contact with a minor. He's afraid he might be found innocent and have to go back home to listen to the other 14 wives bitch at him, "Where's your cute little 16-year-old now, David?"

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  • Nushawn Williams - This big-league stud who infected at least 13 young girls with AIDS just got sent up for 12 years. Maybe they can give him one or both of the Kingstons for a cell mate.

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    The Future Creeps
     

  • Hillary and Rudy - Their Senate race is going to be brutal, ugly and disgusting. Can't wait!

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  • Mike Tyson - He's out of jail. It won't be long.

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  • Pearl Jam - For resurrecting that God-awful "Last Kiss" song that I haven't been able to get out of my head for weeks.


    • Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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