For example, check out the sultry snatch pictured above on the left. That's Robyn Anderson, a Trenchcoat girlfriend who bought two of the firearms used by Eric and Dylan. That was evidently legal because Robyn is 18. What were she and Dylan doing a few days before the attack? Going to the prom. The Prom! Don't kids get drunk and screw after the prom anymore? You're supposed to have a week-long hangover that keeps you from wanting to do anything that causes loud noises.
And you know what Eric was doing during the brief free time he had between bomb making sessions? Trying to join the Marines! He was almost there but got rejected at the last minute because he was taking some psychiatric drugs. If he'd become a Marine, someone would have given him all the weapons he could carry plus a paycheck to go kill Kosovars, Yugoslavians, Albanians and whoever the hell else we're bombing over there.
The three young punks pictured above on the right are the surviving Trenchcoats: Matthew Christianson, Matt Akard and Jim Branetti. They were detained, questioned, threatened and then cleared and released. Put your coats back on, boys, have a nice day. It was all a misunderstanding, says Sheriff John Stone. (Didn't the Beach Boys do a song about him?)
So far, the only person arrested for anything was Gary Sowell, a guy who sells parts for bombs. He confessed to selling stuff to the Trenchcoats, but it turns out he made the whole thing up! What kind of head case is he? Shouldn't somewhat like that be in jail just so the rest of us don't have to worry about him showing up at our door someday selling Amway products?
But Gary's not the only head case running around loose these days. Schools all over the country are being inundated with bomb threats, web site threats, and blow-your-house-down threats. Administrators have banned trench coats, book bags, slingshots, pea-shooters and rational thought processes. Terrified parents are keeping their children at home where they watch violent TV, play violent computer games, and work on their web site lists of tomorrow's people to kill.
The Democrats blame the easy access to guns. They want more gun control. The Republicans blame Hollywood. They want more family values. The only group not making noise is the normally belligerent National Rifle Association. They cut back their national convention, planned for (where else) Denver, from three days to one, and even felt guilty about the one day, offering the excuse, "Hey, our by-laws require it!" Moses had a bad week.
I think we all need a diversion. Something to draw us together, calm us down and give us something else to talk about at the water cooler. How about another sex scandal? Yeah, a nice, slippery, juicy, steamy, sweaty, drippy, runny sex scandal! Who's a prime suspect? Not Clinton again, nobody would pay the slightest bit of attention to that. How about one of the presidential candidates? Think any of them are having sex? (Well, besides Elizabeth Dole - we know she's getting laid because of that kiss-and-tell Viagra stud of a husband she has.) Maybe one of the cows from Dan Quayle's Indiana farm days will confess. We can only hope.
It all makes me want to move someplace safe where violent, lunatic stuff like this doesn't happen. Some nice quiet country like, oh maybe ... Canada.
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