Creep of the Week - January 23, 1999
For years, the Denny's restaurant chain has been providing a job haven for wayward Klan members who seem to believe that only the Aryan race is fit to be fed there. In 1994, they paid out $46 million in a class action lawsuit brought by black Secret Service agents in South Carolina and California students who claimed they were refused service because of their race. Last year, a Denny's in Syracuse was investigated after similar complaints were made by group of Oriental college students. To counteract all this bad publicity, Denny's recently launched a series of "Diversity" commercials featuring minorities whose message seems to be, "Why hate me just because of my race, color or religion? You could surely find some other reasons to hate me, such as the fact that I'm condescending, insulting to your intelligence, and a petulant pain in the ass!"
Now Denny's has changed strategy. Instead of refusing to serve people they don't like, they sit them down and then harass them. This week, the Montana Human Rights Bureau charged a local Denny's with deliberately slipping bacon and ham into the meals of two Muslims who had requested no-pork dishes. Abdussalam Sipes and Clarence Watson requested that their meals of eggs and hash browns be prepared in separate skillets to avoid contamination by pork. When the food was served, Abdussalam noticed pieces of ham hidden in the food and sent it back. When it was returned, he says he found a strip of bacon buried in it.
Denny's claims it was all a giant coincidence, an innocent mistake and "a comedy of errors." Ho ho ho. The Human Rights Bureau report says "The fact that the ingredients for these meals are packaged separately and do not contain any pork products ... implies that these products were placed in the food intentionally." Clarence says he had to puke up the meal and was unable to read the Koran or pray for 40 days. Abdussalam says, "My soul was poisoned."
Pretty ugly. But why not look at this as an opportunity? Let's use Denny's "give the customer exactly what he doesn't want" philosophy to our advantage. If you're a drug user, go in late at night, order pancakes and tell them that your religion prohibits cocaine being mixed in with the syrup. Interested in a little action? Tell the hostess that you'll burn in hell for all eternity if they send over that sleazy waitress with the short skirt to sit on your lap while you eat. And of course, don't leave without telling them that you're allergic to the ink used on money and you'll drop dead immediately if they serve you apple pie with a hundred dollar bill tucked inside.
I'd say it's time for Denny's to can those idiotic commercials and get rid of their sub-human, dung-minded employees instead. They won't be catering any NAACP conventions in the near future.
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