Creep of the Week - January 16, 1999

Image: Bob Barr

Bob Barr
"Big Bob Barr's Been a Bery Bad Boy"
Congressman Bob Barr, Republican of Georgia, has been one of Bill Clinton's most vociferous critics for years. As a member of the House Judiciary Committee, he's been introducing legislation calling for Bill's impeachment since before Monicagate. Why? Because Bill is a lecherous lawbreaker! Whitewater! Campaign finance illegalities! Selling state secrets to China! You might conclude that for Bob to be making such accusations about the President of the United States, he must be a paragon of virtue. In fact, from the manner in which he throws stones at Bill's glass house, one could imagine Bob being a model of morality beyond repute who practices what he preaches, while possessing a pristine prick used purely for peeing and procreation.

Right, and Linda Tripp was voted Miss Congeniality by her peers at the Miss America competition.

This week, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt produced an affidavit from Bob's second wife Gail, stating that while they were married, Bob had an affair with his soon-to-be third wife and also lied under oath about an abortion Gail had. She says that Bob drove her to the clinic, picked her up afterward, paid for the abortion and never objected to it. Bob, who is strongly anti-abortion in his public statements, declared under oath during his 1986 divorce proceedings that he did object to the abortion. At that time, he also refused to answer questions about the adultery.

So what does Bob have to say now? "I have never perjured myself...I have never suggested, urged, forced or encouraged anyone to have an abortion." For some reason, that statement sounds strangely familiar. Kinda reminds me of "I never had sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never asked anyone to lie." Ever hear anyone say that? Bob goes on to bleat, "This is very clearly an effort to take old documents, old matters 12 years old, and try and derail to some extent, or divert attention to some extent from the trial in the Senate.'' Hmmm, using old documents to gain some political advantage over someone ... strangely enough, that sounds familiar, too. You mean like Whitewater, Bob? And during the recent impeachment Bob called Bill "a president who excels at evasive and crafty answers."

Seems like what we have here is a Grade 'A' Prime Example of "Do What I Say, Not What I Do." Bob is a hypocritical, sanctimonious sleaze who can't stand being on the receiving end of the sexual gestapo he helped to create. Besides that, he wants to keep other people from making the choices he and Gail got to make.

And what about Larry Flynt? Isn't he a Creep, too? NO! Larry is performing a public service by uncovering pious maggots like Bob and I wish him nothing but success in his mission. Bob and Republican party chairman Jim Nicholson claimed that Larry was working in conjunction with the White House but typically did not provide any proof. And so what if he is? I hope Bill is sending Hillary over to Larry's house every weekend to give him suitcases full of cash and a lap dance on his wheelchair.

Here's the moral of this story: If you can withstand an evasive, vitriolic, and very public moral crusade into every skeleton you have hanging in the darkest recesses of your closet, then go ahead and stick your ass in the muck. Otherwise, join the rest of us sinners and mind your own damn business.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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