Creep of the Week - December 26, 1998

Image: Tom DeLay

Tom DeLay
"Whipped Up And Hammered"
Have you wondered how Clinton's impeachment came to be? Just a few weeks ago, the experts were saying impeachment was dead. The Democrats had gained seats in the congressional election, a sure sign that the voters were sick to death of the Republican efforts to give Bill the shaft for a few Oval Office tricks with cigars. Newt Gingrich was sent packing, taking the blame for the election results. Bill was all ready to set up a personal review of the new 1999 White House interns. But while he was having his titillating daydreams and the rest of us weren't paying attention, the House of Representatives went ahead and impeached him. What happened?

Meet Tom "The Hammer" DeLay, a former exterminator from Houston, and now the House Republican Whip. Tom, a ferocious Clinton critic for years, stepped up into the leadership vacuum created by Newt's departure and took charge. His job as Whip is to keep his fellow House Republicans in line and he proceeded to do just that. He hammered and whipped his colleagues with promises and threats that we can only guess at, prohibited a vote on censure and cuckholded them into voting "Aye" on impeachment. That they did, pretty much along party lines, and now Bill is looking at extermination himself. So Tom, having done his job well, can enjoy his holiday, perhaps searching for a few more cockroaches to spray, right?

No, the roaches can breath a sigh of relief. The Hammer has a bit more political hammering to do. This week, Tom provided some unsolicited advice to the United States Senate, which is now charged with conducting a trial on the charges Tom and his Boys sent up. Tom is evidently worried that the Senators are not sufficiently whipped up to do their duty to force Bill from office. "Before people look to cut a deal with the White House or their surrogates who will seek to influence the process, it is my hope that one would spend plenty of time in the evidence room," The Hammer yammered, saying that once the Senators see the secret evidence there, the 67 votes needed to remove Bill will "appear out of thin air." He went on to warn the Senators against ignoring his advice. "If you don't, you may wish you had before rushing to judgment." What evidence are you talking about, Tom? He'll only give us one of those Cheshire Cat smarmy smirks and say It's a secret!

This is not the first time we've seen such sleazy sophistry from The Hammer. Earlier this year, when the news came out about Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde's "youthful indiscretion" (a.k.a. adulterous affair), Tom, full of surly rectitude, told anyone who would listen that he had "suspicions" that the White House was responsible for spreading the story and sicced the FBI on the supposed culprits. What evidence do you have, Tom? "We have our suspicions ..." was all he would say. The fact that Henry was actually outed by the ex-husband of his mistress did not seem to impress Tom.

I have a few suspicions myself. I suspect Tom inhaled a bit too much DDT back in his exterminator days, turning his brain to slime which now seems to ooze out of every pore in his body, particularly his mouth. I also suspect that Tom is working hand-in-claw with the Religious Right and any other vermin he can find who will get up on their hind legs and apply pressure to Congress to vote Clinton out. Furthermore, I suspect DeLay needs a DeLousing. How do I know these things? I have my suspicions.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

[ Next Week | Last Week | Creep Home Page | John Montgomery's Home Page ]