Creep of the Week - December 19, 1998
Bill Clinton
"Impeaches And Creamed"
Holy telltale cum stain! How the hell did we ever get into a predicament like this? A year ago, no one
had ever heard of Monica Lewinsky. Now she and her loose lips are responsible for the impeachment of the
President of the United States, the sacking of two different Speakers of the House of Representatives, and
the bombing of Iraq.
If only Bill had kept his fly zipped, or Monica had swallowed, or Ken had taken that job at Pepperdine, we
could all be enjoying our Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / Ramadan in peace. But no. Now we're being
bombarded daily with those shrill cries to toss the bastard from White House and send him to the Out House.
The Iraqis are being bombarded, too.
Who's to blame? Let's list the "Yeah, buts". Below is a short quiz on some of what we've gone through
this past year. Test your knowledge by answering each question carefully. Here's a hint: the answer to
each one is "Yeah, but..."
- Is the typical Clinton hater a priggish, sexually-frustrated, self-righteous demagogue who goes into
fits of apoplexy every time the polls come out showing most Americans like Bill's job performance and don't
want him impeached?
- Did Ken Starr flounder around for three years sending his winged monkeys all over the country trying
(and failing)
to nail Bill and Hillary with anything until the Monica story got dropped in his lap, which is where
his hands have been ever since?
- Is Linda Tripp, who set this whole putrid tale in motion, a despicable, corpulent viper who will die
alone and friendless and then be given an
express one-way trip to hell where she'll be greeting by a lineup of Judas Iscariot, Benedict Arnold and
Rasputin bent over on their knees chanting "We are not worthy!"?
- Was Speaker-to-be Bob Livingston's "outing" as an adulterer and subsequent political hari kari a
perfect example of
reaping what you sow brought about by the sexual gestapo of the Republican lunatic fringe?
- Should they pass a law stating that all admitted adulterers still in Congress who voted for
impeachment, like
Henry Hyde and Dan "Scumbag" Burton, have a scarlet "H" for Hypocrisy branded on their buttocks and
also have their balls chopped off if the words "family values" ever pass their lips again?
Yeah. But.
Bill is guilty. He did the Nasty with the intern in charge of delivering pizzas and CBJ's
(Complimentary Blow Jobs). He committed perjury. He may have obstructed justice. He lied to you and (even
worse) me about it. Whether you think he deserves impeachment for what he did, he did do
it. And anyone who wants him thrown out of office, regardless of the reasons, can take the moral high
ground and say they're only trying to uphold the law. Bill brought this on himself knowing full well that
he had legions of political enemies clamoring for his ass who were looking for any excuse to hose
him. Now he's hosed. He and anyone else who's had anything to do with this ugly business is as stained
and skanky as Monica's blue dress.
Here's something else to think about. Saddam Hussein spent most of this week with his head between his
knees staring his asshole in the face hoping a cruise missile didn't find him. But a few months from now, he'll
still have his job, while the guy who sent those bombs over there may not.
Let me know what you think at
montgome@servtech.com
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