Creep of the Week - October 17, 1998
Life is more complicated now. Here's a question John Wayne never had to answer: What does a self-respecting cowboy do when he gets propositioned by a gay guy in a bar? Let's analyze this by asking WWJWD? (What Would John Wayne Do?)
First, John would get up from his bar stool, slowly amble over to the perpetrator with that rugged bow-legged walk of his, and poke his index finger into the middle of the guy's chest. "You're not much of a man, are you, mister?" John would growl while giving the guy one of his intimidating squinty-eyed stares. After a warning of that magnitude, John would be expecting this gentleman to slink off into the night without further ado. In the unlikely event the gay guy continued his pursuit, John would simply clobber him once in the kisser, sending him crashing into the wall, where he'd see stars for the next several hours. "Don't let me see you around these parts again, you flaming faggot," John would say quietly before riding off into the sunset, manhood maintained.
Here's what John Wayne would not do:
What's going on there? Why the overreaction? Where do guys get the idea that it's OK to kill someone because he's gay? From the usual sources of blind hatred - religious zealots. Pounding their bibles and peeping through bedroom key holes, these saviors of our sexuality want to make sure that those immoral homosexuals are banned from God's green earth. Indistinguishable from other spiritual deviates like Osama bin Laden or The Orange Order, they think anyone who acts or believes differently deserves harassment and death.
The Reverend Fred Phelps is the leader of just such a pack of jackals from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Their religious services include anti-gay picketing which they performed at Matthew's funeral, parading around with signs like "No Tears For Queers". Reverend? Church? And they're only the tip of the homophobic religious iceberg. Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson makes ominous warnings about the wrath of God's will coming down on the state of Florida because of Disney World's gay policies. The Southern Baptists lead boycotts of Disney for the same reason. Gary Bauer, the bug-eyed, Yoda-like guru of something called The Family Research Council, wants to run for president on the basis of his anti-gay rants. This kind of hate mongering just encourages ignorant, macho lunatics like Russell and Aaron.
And what's the real reason behind this violent animosity toward gays? Ask one of these bigots and they'll point you to the bible verse about men lying with men and tell you how they're concerned about our moral decay and remember Sodom and Gommorah, ad nauseam. Don't believe it. You won't see them picketing about any other sin. There's only one possible explanation for this vitriolic obsession with homosexuality - These guys are all as queer as the Sugar Plum Fairy. They're limp-wristed, knee-callused, hairy-palmed, fudge-packing closet queens who are scared to death that their dirty little secrets might come out. And don't Russell and Aaron look just ravishing in those cute little orange jump suits, darling?
John Wayne would kick the shit out of all of them before breakfast.
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