Creep of the Week - July 25, 1998
Do you think Russell and Ted ever met during their shacking-up days in the Montana wilderness when they lived about 40 miles apart? Since they were both suspicious loners, that doesn't seem likely, but maybe they both drank out of the same contaminated stream. Wouldn't it be ironic if one of them was pissing into the stream that the other was drinking from, passing along all that lunacy in the form of a daily urine cocktail? Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not taking a leak in your water supply.
Regardless of who was upstream from who, it seems clear that Ted was the more fortunate. He killed his victims from the safety and comfort of his 10x10 shack without the benefit of electricity or plumbing. Ted now has a great air-conditioned bachelor pad and he never has to piss in a stream again. Russell, on the other hand, did his killing in person and is now in critical condition with bullet holes in his chest and leg.
What happened? Russell has a history of mental problems and scrapes with the law. He was known by the Secret Service as a threat to Bill Clinton, who he thought was following him (Note to Russell: The only way Bill would be following you was if you looked great in a short skirt and heels.) Russell also had made threats against the Pentagon, thought the federal government was spying on him through a TV satellite dish, and had just been thrown out of his father's house for shooting cats with a 20-gauge shotgun. What do you do when that happens? Take a break, get out of town, take a vacation to Washington!
But in his haste to get away, Russell forgot to get a tourist map. He attacked the Capital building. There certainly are plenty of suitable targets there, but it's at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue from Clinton's place. The Pentagon is miles away. Was he looking for cats? One might think of the Capital as a high-rent cat-house, but all the best pussy in Washington is at the White House. Russell obviously took a wrong turn somewhere.
Perhaps you're feeling sorry for a dyslexic, emotionally disturbed man who obviously should have been committed long ago. Keep that in mind the next time you try to get into the Capital building and they do a complete search of all your body cavities with an electronic cattle prod. You'll be shrieking in pain while Ted Kaczynski has the last air-conditioned laugh.
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