Creep of the Week - May 16, 1998
The People and Government of Indonesia
"They Deserve Each Other"
So you think the President of the United States is a degenerate peckerhead who's leading the country
into a hell-hole of moral decay from which it will never return? Are you tired of seeing the Speaker
of the House of Representatives perform those
unintelligible, puke-inducing tirades on TV? When someone mentions the Attorney General do you think:
incompetent, diesel-dyke crack-snacker? Do you wish the Independent Counsel would take his pious,
never-ending, vindictive investigation and stuff it up his prissy ass? Are you pounding on the table like Bob
Dole snarling, "Where's the outrage? Where's the outrage?"
Here's a clue for you all. It's in Indonesia.
The week, the government and the people of Indonesia descended into an out-of-control cesspool of
panic, mayhem and chaos. Protests against the economic crisis in Indonesia have been going on for months,
but the government recently increased fuel prices by 70% which sparked riots, leading to the shooting
deaths of six students by police. At that point, things got really ugly with the Indonesian rioters taking a
lesson from their American counterparts. Instead of taking their anger out against the government, they
began burning and looting their own neighborhoods. They started with Chinese-owned businesses, a
minority in the country who many poor people blame for their problems because the Chinese control so much of
the economy. Sound familiar so far? The looters started more riots when they began fighting with each
other over the stuff they were stealing.
Then, in a rather blatant example of sowing what you reap, more than 230 looters died when they were
trapped inside four Jakarta shopping malls which were set on fire by other rioters. Some of the dead
bodies were still clinging to items they were trying to steal.
And what has the Indonesian government been doing throughout this mess? The head honcho is President
Suharto. As far as I can determine, Suharto is his one and only name. This puts him in that arrogant
league with Madonna, Charo and company, who believe "there's no one else like me so who needs a
second name?" Suharto flew into town from a vacation in Egypt and proceeded to throw his weight
around:
- First, he ordered the police to stop the rioting and looting.
- In an attempt to sound like a warm and cuddly martyr, he said "If the people have no
confidence in me, it is not a problem for me to step down." Then he had his spokesman remind everyone
that a resignation must follow constitutional processes and would take months to occur.
- Turns out he didn't like that option anyway, so he modified it: "How about this? If I am
no longer trusted, I will become a pandito and endeavor to get closer to God." Seems that a
"pandito" is like one of those swamis who lives at the top of a mountain and waits for people to come up
and ask questions like "Oh Great Guru, what is the meaning of life and when are you going to lower the
price of the Goddamn gas?
- Do you think they read Dilbert in Indonesia? Suharto's final move of the week, guaranteed to
bring a smile to the face of anyone who's ever worked for a company in trouble, was to announce a
reshuffling of his cabinet - a reorg!
Even some of Suharto's own ruling party weren't buying it. One such pack of infidels
issued a statement saying, "If he won't step down peacefully, then we must force him to leave.''
Then he'd have to get a last name like the rest of us.
So next 4th of July, I think we should all charter a bus, go to Washington, and give our government
officials a big hug and a kiss for not being so bad after all. (OK - you don't have to kiss Janet Reno if you
don't want to.)
Let me know what you think at
montgome@servtech.com
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