Creep of the Week - March 21, 1998
Bill Clinton
"Gluts of Nuts and Sluts"
Just when you think you've heard all there is to hear about our Chief Twat Hound's roving eyes,
groping hands and curving dong, some new gem of a story comes crawling out of the slime to both entertain
and disgust us. Kathleen Willey's tale of Bill's clumsy stand-up routine in the Oval Office has been
floating around for a few months, but this week she took her turn in the center-stage sex scandal spotlight
by telling it on "60 Minutes".
My first reaction after watching her was "No way! This is not Bill's type of girl!" Kathleen is soft spoken,
sophisticated, and a well-preserved 51 years old. There was no puffy hairdo with bows, no sleazy makeup,
and no big toothy smile. She doesn't look like either a rich sorority girl or a low-rent stripper.
The White House Spin Team spent the week attacking Kathleen's credibility and motives.
Bill's poll numbers continued to rise.
But regardless of what kind of a job you think he's doing as president, you gotta admit: This guy's a Pig.
A swine, a porker, a dirty scurvy dog, a cad and a bounder. Can all these nuts and sluts be lying?
Here's Bill's Cavalcade of Stars as we know it today:
- Gennifer Flowers - She says: "12 year affair." He says: "Nailed her once in 1977,
I've caused pain in my
marriage." She seems to be the only one capable of looking at this with anything close to
a sense of humor, remarking recently "You'd think the boy would learn."
- Paula Jones - She says: "Hotel room, hard-on, no flowers on Secretary's Day." He says:
"Never met her." Paula is the very definition of a prostitute. For the last four years, she's been on her
hands and knees, making a living by getting boned up the ass by a contingent of Bill's political enemies.
When they're through with her, she'll take the twenty dollar bill from the dresser and go back to the
trailer park.
- Monica Lewinsky - She says: "Frustrating one-way oral sex, what a creep." He says:
"None of your goddamn business." Bill enjoyed those big lips for a while, but unfortunately for him, those
big lips are attached to a very big mouth which told everyone about what the lips were wrapped
around.
- Kathleen Willey - She says: "Groped me." He says: "Kissed her on the forehead." Think her
husband killed himself? Silly naive chump! Vince Foster killed him
before he was rubbed out himself in one of those Bimbo Turf War incidents.
- Dolly Browning - She says: "Affair lasting from high school to Washington." He says: "Oh Jesus,
not another one!" Never heard of Dolly? You will. She's Bill's high school classmate who's now peddling a
novel about (What Else) a small town girl from Arkansas having an affair with a President.
And of course, this list of Bill's Ball Busters on Parade doesn't include all those anonymous women who are
still trying to keep their husbands from hearing about their escapades in the Governor's limo, or all the ones
Vince Foster killed, or all the ones stuffed into Ron Brown's plane before it was shot down.
This extra-curricular activity kept Bill so busy that he totally ignored two women who he probably
should have been doing the dirty deed with:
- Linda Tripp, who Kathleen describes as going completely bonkers because she wasn't getting
the same special treatment as Kathleen and Monica. Had Bill paid her a little attention, this whole thing
could have been averted. But then along with all the other accusations, they'd be saying
he has bad taste, as well.
- Poor old Hillary, who has Democratic social views, but evidently a Republican sex life.
And while we're on the subject, if you have any extra money, bet it on next week's big headline being:
"Clinton Covers Up Affair With Susan McDougal by Having Ex-Husband James Killed in Prison!"
Let me know what you think at
montgome@servtech.com
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