Creep of the Week - August 2, 1997

Image: One of the Subway Bombers from Hamas

Hamas
"The Subway Suicide Bombers Bomb"
When I heard that Hamas (derivation: "Ham" - to act stupidly enough to draw attention to oneself + "Ass" - to act stupidly enough to draw attention to oneself) had set off another set of suicide bombs in Israel this week, killing 15 people, I thought "What's new?" They've been doing that for years now for no fathomable reason. I've written about them more than once, most recently only a few months ago, and I have nothing new to say. It's not new, it's old. It's getting really old. But that wasn't enough for them. Later in the week, two more of these sadistic monsters turned up in Brooklyn, getting ready to do the usual "strap myself into a bomb and commit suicide and bring a lot of people with me - Praise Allah!" routine, this time in the New York City subway. Well, now there's something I can relate to. I've felt like killing myself in the subway a few times myself.

Gazi Ibrahim Aub Mezer, pictured above, and Lafi Khalil (I may have misspelled the names, but no one will notice, and who cares anyway?) were caught red-handed (brown-handed?) in their apartment by the FBI. Remembering their Hamas training to always take advantage of an opportunity to kill imperialist heathens, Gazi and Lafi tried to detonate the bombs when it became apparent that the new visitors to their apartment were not from the Welcome Wagon. Instead, the G-men shot them, and they are now both lying in the hospital, not reveling with Allah as they had planned. The FBI looked good for a change, after several weeks of being ridiculed by Andrew Cunanan and Richard Jewell.

Why a Hamas suicide bombing in the subway? Too many Jews down there? Did they encounter a booger on the turnstile? Was the urine stench so strong it went to their heads and made them crazy? How can you tell when a Hamas member is crazy anyway? New York life must be pretty tough for guys with their backgrounds. There's no sand. All their countrymen are driving cabs. They can actually see women's faces. There are no camels to bugger.

How do miscreants like this get into the United States in the first place? Our customs people are so obsessive about stopping illegal immigrants that they miss the legal ones who are a lot more dangerous. We have drug-sniffing dogs and explosive-sniffing dogs; maybe we should get some hate-sniffing dogs. How about a cockamamie-fanatical-murderous-scumbag-sniffing dog? Ferret these guys out, throw them down into the foulest, smelliest, skankiest subway station in New York (a tough choice), seal the exits and let them blow themselves up on the Midnight Train to Allah. The trick is to get them to kill themselves before they can reproduce. They'll be happy, we'll be happy and the camels will be happy.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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