Creep of the Week - May 24, 1997
But it seems that offstage, Marv gets a little kinky. This week he was indicted on forcible sodomy and assault charges for an incident in Virginia last February. According to the indictment, Marv invited a woman to his hotel room and wanted her to have three-way-sex with him and another man. When she refused, Marv threw her on the bed and bit her on the back 10 to 15 times, ripping her flesh. No word on whether he drank the blood. For the last play of the game, Marv forced the woman to perform oral sex on him.
In fairness, we have to list the standard disclaimers: Marv hasn't had his day in court and he "categorically denies" the charges. The woman in question is no innocent school girl, but a 41-year-old facing her own charges of threatening to kill her boyfriend (not Marv), his dog (also not Marv) and any girl he might be with (definitely not Marv). This is not the type of lady you want to piss off. But the facts are that she managed to convince a grand jury of her accusations and somebody bit her on the back. Those were not self-inflicted wounds.
But there's one big question that no one's answered. In fact, I don't think anyone's even asked it yet, so I will: Who was the other man? Did he know that Marv has a biting fetish? It's hard enough to find one willing partner who doesn't seem like a psychopath these days - how are you supposed to keep track of how two other people want to get off? This three-way stuff sounds like a pretty dangerous pastime to me, so as a public service, I'm offering the following guide to any man who's looking for another man to complete a menage a trois with a woman. Here are some guys who've become famous for their sexual exploits, along with what turns them on.
| Name | What He Likes To With A Woman |
| Frank Gifford | Screw her in front of a video camera while convincing his wife he was framed |
| Woody Allen | Screw her daughter |
| Michael Kennedy | Screw her baby-sitter |
| Army Drill Instructors | Screw her under orders |
| Dick Morris | Screw her while listening to phone calls from the President |
| Marc Zigo, Lt. Kelly Flinn's boyfriend | Screw her while lying about his marriage and screwing up her life |
| O.J. Simpson | Kill her and screw her survivors out of the $33 million settlement with claims like "Heisman Trophy? What Heisman Trophy?" |
| Michael Jackson | Not Applicable |
Of course, it might be easier if guys like these would just eliminate the women all together, triple up amongst themselves, and screw each other all night long. Yessss!
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