Creep of the Week - May 17, 1997

Image: Frank and Kathie Lee - Broken Heart

Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford
"Frank Gets Stiff, Kathie Lee Gets Stiffed"
When we last heard from America's Most Perfect Couple, they had just declared themselves to be recovering sweatshop exploiters. Since then, Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford have made the rounds of press conferences and politician's offices, declaring their outrage at the despicable abuse of clothing workers and wondering how to cover up the fact that they've been profiting from it for years. They've even found time in their busy schedule to make some infomercials where they sell videos of themselves and their wonderfully ecstatic family life called "Growing In Love". How nice of the Giffords to open up their private lives so that others can benefit by following their example! How happy can two people get?

Well, maybe a little happier. Evidently, all this publicity and globe-trotting has not provided Frank with as much attention as he believes he's entitled to. Is Kathie Lee too tired to perform her wifely duties after running her mouth off all day about how great the marriage is? Or did he just get his fill of all that sickeningly sweet smiling and decide he wanted something really nasty for a change?

This week, The Globe, a trashy supermarket tabloid, ran a story that said Frank had been seen in the company of Another Woman. "A complete fabrication!" the Giffords sputtered. I am totally convinced that Kathie Lee really believed it. If Frank was as much of a gentleman as she's been telling us he is for all these years, he would have gone to her before that statement was made to the press and said, "Kathie Lee, you know maybe this time you ought to consider SHUTTING THE HELL UP!" But no, he took one of those gambles that quarterbacks often take and assumed The Globe didn't have any proof. He lost. The newspaper's response was to publish ten photos of Frank and a 46-year-old married flight attendant in a New York hotel room, locked in various embracing and embarrassing positions.

So what does this couple whose private life is so idyllic they can't stop talking, writing and videotaping it want at a time like this? Privacy! Get those media people out of here! How dare they! We're private people! And besides, Frank was just showing that lady some old football tackles. That made her faint, so Frank had to start mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Cody and Cassidy think those photos are just so cute!

What happens next? Will Frank's Monday Night Football pals give him the thumbs-up sign? Will Kathie Lee run into the wrinkled waiting arms of Regis Philbin? Will the divorce settlement determine which one has to pay the sweatshop workers? Will those gullible chumps who bought "Growing In Love" get refunds? I passed on that one, but I'd pay big bucks for a video of the conversation the Giffords are having right now.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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