Creep of the Week - March 8, 1997
Stephen Jones
Silly, naive people like me thought we'd have a little break from evil, murderous thugs and their devious,
carnivorous, publicity-seeking
attorneys. But no, OJ and his Dream Team were just the opening act. The main event is coming
soon to increase your disgust about our justice system even more. Timothy McVeigh and his lawyer Stephen
Jones are up next and you ain't
seen nothin' yet. While OJ only put two people to death, Timothy, accused of blowing up the
Oklahoma City Federal Building in 1995, killed 168 (or 84, if you give his partner Terry Nichols an even split).
And Stephen makes Johnnie Cochran look like a backwoods, ambulance-chasing greenhorn.
This week, The Dallas Morning News published what they said was a defense document quoting Timothy's
admission of guilt in the bombing and his statement that he set the bomb off during the day so the
body count would be high enough to get his point across to the government. Exactly what his point was
still remains a mystery. When confronted with this story, attorney Stephen commenced with his best Jon
Lovitz imitation:
"He confessed? That idiot, I told him to keep his big mouth shut! But of course, that conversation is
covered by attorney/client privilege, so I can't comment on it further, except to say that this whole
thing is ... uh ... a hoax! Yeah, that's the ticket! It never happened and there's no such document and I
can't figure out how they found it anyway! They must have ... uh ... overheard the conversation .. uh, no
because there wasn't one ... I mean ... they must have ... uh ... broken into my computer! Yeah! Those
dirty guys! My computer! How could they be so sneaky? And guess what else? We made up that confession
and typed it into the computer just to trick the real bomber into confessing! Yeah, that's it! We knew
someone would break in and steal that document! Pretty clever, huh?"
Stephen has a lot of extra time to speak to the press, since he can't sleep at night or look at himself in
the mirror. Here are a few more questions and answers about the case that Stephen has enlightened us
on recently:
- Question: Can you explain the receipts showing Timothy's purchase of three tons of fertilizer
and tell us why when he was arrested he had five pounds of it on his clothes, three pounds on his hair,
and another ten ounces up his ass?
- Answer: My client is an avid gardener.
- Question: What about the eyewitness who saw him rent the truck that contained the bomb?
- Answer: He was moving that weekend. Then he lent the truck to Richard Jewell.
- Question: The government's chief witness will testify that Timothy told him about his plans
and gave him a guided tour of the Federal Building several weeks before the blast. How do you respond
to that?
- Answer: Mr. McVeigh is a patriot and a veteran who was conducting his own investigation
of hate crimes and militia groups.
Read it and weep. The trial starts in just a few weeks. We'll be hearing ludicrous crap like this
spewed out every day for months. Then it's Terry Nichols' turn. And the Unabomber's waiting in the wings.
OJ and Johnnie will be looking pretty good by the time it's all over.
Let me know what you think at
montgome@servtech.com
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