Creep of the Week - February 15, 1997

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson has finally found a way to circumvent the opinion of the courts and his fans that he should stay away from little boys - he created one of his own. Not in the usual manner, though. Michael never does anything in the usual manner. No, he paid an acquaintance of his, Debbie Rowe, over $500,000 to be artificially inseminated, and then in what was evidently a guilty afterthought, married her. Debbie was the nurse for Michael's plastic surgeon, where Michael has spent a lot of time in recent years, being changed from a decent looking black man into a freak of indeterminate sex and race. This week, Debbie and Michael had a baby boy. No word on his color or sexual orientation.

Why do we put up with this guy? Why wasn't he put away years ago? People as weird as Michael should not be allowed to procreate, even through a test tube. There's been the pet chimps, the amusement park in the back yard where Michael rides the roller coaster by himself all night long, the Elephant Man's remains, the sensory deprivation chamber, and the bizarre changes in his appearance. This stuff is mighty strange, but essentially harmless. But then came the stories of the slumber parties and group baths with young boys and a $20 million settlement with one of them to keep his mouth shut and Michael's ass out of jail.

What does a guy in a position like that do? He marries one of the sexiest, sleaziest, richest young women around, Lisa Marie Presley. If Elvis really had been alive and working at Dunkin' Donuts, surely this news would have caused him to drop dead for good. Michael and Lisa Marie had to go on national TV to proclaim that "Yes yes yes, we have sex! Every night! In all kinds of positions!" Young boys all over the country were put deep into depression. Lisa Marie eventually got tired of all that sex and left Michael alone with the chimps. Down but not out, he came up with his latest venture.

The word on the street is that Debbie would receive a $1.2 million fee when she delivered her bundle of joy and she'll get an additional $2.3 million when the marriage breaks up with the condition that Michael gets sole custody. Get out your calculators. For a modest $4 million, Michael has a live-in sex partner for the next 18 years.

And what about little Jocko Junior? What's the best he can hope for when he has no mother and a gay pedophile for a father? His very first memory will be the sight pictured above - Dad playing with himself and pointing to his next victim. Maybe he's inherited some of Aunt Latoya's rebellious genes which he'll utilize to become a big black football player. What will his sensitive father do the first time Junior knocks him across the room and tells him to keep his damn hands to himself?

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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