Creep of the Week - September 21, 1996

Image: Dole seeking divine inspiration from Pat Robertson

Bob Dole

Bob Dole had a bad week. Of course, they've all been pretty bad lately. He's been seeking national office for 20 years, always losing, and this is his last chance. He is between 15 and 20 percentage points behind Bill Clinton in the polls, something which would have sounded ludicrous a year ago. Some of this is not Bob's fault. The economy is fairly strong and the there are no major wars on the horizon. The Republicans have been taking a beating with the public lately, largely due to the efforts of the country's most unpopular politician, Newt Gingrich, and his henchmen in the House. But when Bob goes into one his periodic tirades where he blames all his troubles on the press and bad handlers and the liberals in Washington and George Bush lying about his record, etc., he'd better look in the mirror as well. He's never been known as a dynamic speaker or campaigner, but his performance this time out has been truly pitiful. He has embarrassed himself with inarticulate and downright stupid remarks on tobacco, assault weapons, and the NAACP, and the centerpiece of his candidacy, a 15% tax reduction, has been greeted with reactions ranging from skepticism to ridicule.

Bob started the week with an unplanned appearance before the Christian Coalition, run by that huckster of hatred, Pat Robertson. Pat had just riled up his own troops by declaring that it would take a miracle for Bob to pull out a victory this year. Right on cue, Bob showed up to raise hands with Pat, possibly seeking that miracle through Pat's powers of divine inspiration. One more time, Bob was forced to pander to those who have the power in his party.

But he wasn't done. There is one issue which Bob has grabbed a hold of that looked promising. Studies have shown that teenage drug use has skyrocketed since Clinton has been president. This is a genuine problem which could have been used to erode some of Clinton's support. This week, Bob unveiled his plan of attack for drugs - just what frightened parents all over America have been anxiously awaiting - a NEW SLOGAN! Stealing from both Nancy Reagan (who was delighted) and Nike (which was pissed), Bob came up with "Just Don't Do It!", a phrase guaranteed to stop all that smoking, snorting and shooting. We've also been treated to Bob's commercial showing a film clip of Clinton saying how he'd smoke dope again if he had the chance. And that's it! That's all Bob intends to say about the subject. No solution, just whining, something that Bob is pretty experienced at.

Earlier this year, Bob made a bold move that he thought would pump new life into his presidential quest - he left the Senate. The effect of that was for him to cease doing what he does best - making deals and getting things done - and devote himself full time to what he does worst - campaign. His chances of becoming president are falling over the edge, much like Bob did himself this week when a railing broke at a campaign stop and he dropped to the floor. He seemed to bounce right back up from that, but he won't recover from this abomination of a campaign he's running. After November, he'll go back home - to Washington, not Kansas - probably to become a lobbyist for the tobacco companies or the NRA. With all of Clinton's faults and troubles, Bob should have made this a close fight. Instead we have Mike Tyson, impossible to knock down but with a real shady past, vs. Woody Allen, who doesn't know what he wants and is completely incompetent at getting it. Put your money on Tyson - TKO in the first round and it won't be pretty.

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

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