Creep of the Week - April 27, 1996

Dan Quayle

The two major political parties in the US usually do a pretty good job of hiding their mistakes, in particular, the guys they've nominated to high office who later went on to embarrass themselves and their party. The Democrats sent Walter Mondale to Japan to keep him from reminding the voters of what a loser he was, and as far as anyone knows, they threw Michael Dukakis into the Boston Harbor wearing a cement overcoat. The Republicans kept Richard Nixon in the deep freeze fairly successfully, despite his attempts to make a comeback, and Spiro Agnew has been so quiet we had almost forgotten about him until he made an uninvited (and unappreciated) appearance at Nixon's funeral. But the GOP still has one court jester who, just like one of those "Whack-A-Mole" games, keeps popping his head up just long enough and often enough to be obnoxious.

J. Danforth Quayle, our immediate past vice president, offered the benefits of his political wisdom this week to Colin Powell, one of today's most venerated and esteemed leaders. Dan's advice to Powell, urging him to become Bob Dole's running mate, was given in the form of a threat (and also in Dan's familiar garbled syntax): "Assuming that he wants a future in politics, you cannot say 'no' to your presidential nominee." Powell, dignified as ever, considered Dan's intelligence level when he responded, "I really tried to speak in clear, consistent, coherent terms last year. But this two-letter, one-syllable word seems to get misinterpreted all the time. For 1996, the decision's been made." Of course this remark sailed right through Danny Boy's ears since he thinks the word in question is spelled "NOE".

The fact that an evil little moron like Dan Quayle can make news at all is a sad indictment of our American values system. If he had a job that matched his merits, he'd be collecting garbage in some small Indiana town. Instead, his inherited wealth has given him multiple opportunities to harass us and humiliate himself with a combination of verbal flatulence, intellectual incompetence and public buffoonery. Just when you thought it was safe to watch Murphy Brown again ...

Let me know what you think at montgome@servtech.com

[ Next Week | Last Week | Creep Home Page | John Montgomery's Home Page ]