John Montgomery Presents This Week's	December 30, 2000	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	CREEP 2K!  The 2000 Creep of the Year
	George W Bush

Another election and the people have spoken. No recounts this time. I did see one dimpled chad but I wiped the smirk off that ballot big time. If it gets to the Supreme Court, I'm betting Clarence Thomas won't ask any questions.

Herewith are the official, certified, and incontestable results of the 2000 Creep of the Year voting. Also included (in orange) are some of the more whimsical, tasteless and disgusting comments received from the ever-creative Creep voters. Thanks to everyone who contributed and to all the Creep of the Week readers who continually try (and sometimes succeed) to convince me that I'm not wasting my time on this idiocy every week.

 
1. George W Bush

He got elected (or designated) President of the United States and now he's received an even greater honor: 2000 Creep of the Year! Al Gore got his fair share of the vote (see #4 below) but Snippy was the sentimental fan favorite. I expect that our president-elect and his pals will be in heavy rotation on these pages in 2001. Here's what you had to say about Creep 2K:
 
• Thief of state
• Has the morals of a used car salesman not a president.
• He's the only person who has made me kind of doubt capital punishment ... and I was always all for it in the past.  Canada doesn't go far enough against the monsters up here, but lately I've been wondering how many retarded, or even innocent people have been put to death.  With the latest election turmoil he also comes across as a really spoiled brat ... I kind of get the feeling  that he will have temper tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.
• The functionally-illiterate, thrice arrested, dry drunk, National Guard deserter is apparently our President-Elect, thanks to his creepy entourage's dedication to squelching any media attempts to ferret out the truth about him and to suppressing democracy in Florida.  My fervent hope is that shortly after being sworn in, he goes on a tequila bender in Mexico never to be seen again, the pressure of the Presidency having proved too much for him.
• He has that look of a big dumb dog in a small room, happy, without a clue and destroying the place by wagging his tail. Maybe the cocaine left just enough brain cells to be dangerous. Maybe it's because other than the fact that his dad was President, he has no other qualities making him suitable for the job. I'm a Canadian and this guy still scares me.

 
2. John and Patsy Ramsey

JonBenet has been rotting in her grave for four years but her parents just keep going and going and going in the yearly Creep voting. Why? Our survey said:
 
• Patsy Ramsey -- the massive (and massively manipulative) pre-menopausal Delta Burke look alike who killed her little girl, got away with it, and is now DARING Boulder Police to arrest her ... when she's not smiling and giggling with glee the week she was questioned in Atlanta.   She IS a "small foreign faction" all by herself!
• I know that God will handle it all in His own good time, (John for raping the girl, and Patsy for killing the child to save her from Daddy's "personal preferences".) But I really don't want to wait for God to get them.  I want to keep them in the public eye until they both crack and admit what they did.
• For using their surviving son as a mean to make money off the tabloids rather than suing in their own names. For criticizing the media at the same time they try to manipulate it.
• For performing stun gun experiments on pigs to support their bogus intruder theory
• For, with the help of a ghostwriter, publishing a book (Death of Innocence, aka Death of Intelligence, aka Dearth of Innocence) with their ugly mugs on the front cover - and a picture of their dead daughter merely on the back...
• Spent a part of the year on some type of traveling salvation show by appearing on religious shows making a mockery out of Christianity.
• Patsy's Behavior at every appearance - particularly the way she talks about "That Child".
• They molested and murdered their child and then tried to make money off of it and I thought my parents were dysfunctional!!
• Together with their adorable creep-protecting attorney, Lin Wood, a scum-slice destined to be the patron saint of all creeps ---
• For jerking us around for yet another year. (Note - This last comment was left over from last year's voting, but I assume we can leave it here permanently.)

 

 

3. Marisleysis Gonzalez and Company

Elian's five-month sad saga was even more infuriating than the election. I generally try not to ridicule the profoundly emotionally disturbed, but Marisleysis ruined my Easter.
 
• The hysterical hoochie-mama in a halter top ... the craziest red-headed Cuban-American since Lucy Ricardo!  This wannabe drama queen oughta be crowned $1.99 Diva of the Millennium! After watching her totally uncalled-for hours of international television coverage, all I can say is: Damn, I WISHED Janet Reno would've bitch-slapped that trash-talking two-bit teenage tart in a tube-top but good!
• To use a child they way they did is so stomach turning, I still find it hard to believe.  I'm not a supporter of Castro, or communism, in any way at all ... but I really felt that it was the best thing to get that little guy back to his dad and home.  I only hope that some day he will have the opportunity of being able to live wherever he wants.
• I vote for Donato Dalrymple. I know he's not important enough to warrant Creep of the Year, but I just wanted to voice my complete and absolute disdain for this self-promoting, stupid, slimy little bastard, who proclaimed himself the "savior" of little Elian. By the way, what ever happened to that $100 million law suit he filed?
• Donato Dalrymple -- Yes, the "Fisherman" who's actually an out-of-work male maid.  You make the call: Donut-Hole DaPimple found hiding in a closet with his burly arms wrapped around a trembling 6-year-old boy... real-life rescue?  or borderline pedophilia? This hanger-on unambitious nut case makes Kato Kaelin look like Bill Gates!
• Especially the relative who filmed that poor kid telling his "Papa" to stay in Cuba, and the lovely grandmother who tweaked his crotch and bit his tongue to show how much Cuba missed him.

 

 

4. Al Gore

Michael Dukakis and Bob Dole don't have to play the "IfOnly Woulda Coulda" game, but Al will. Every day for the rest of his life.
 
• I can't imagine how it could be anyone else but the liar, manipulator, cheater who has stolen our Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays from us this year:
• The big crybaby.  Someone send a fat lady to Florida to sing, PLEASE!!!!
• He has thrown the nation into a turmoil because he is a megalomaniac who thinks he earned the presidency by virtue of his birth to senator Al Gore Sr. He flunked out of two colleges, has sucked off the public teat all his life, is a monumental loser and crybaby, and is the most hated man in America.
• Rises to the top because of what he has put this country through, as well as for all the lies he has told, that even for a politician, make him stand out!

 

 

5. Michael Skakel

How'd you like to have the cops show up at your door and haul you away for something you did when you were 15? Of course, you probably didn't whack the girl next door with a golf club, did you? Did you?
 
• Michael and his family are entitled to this prestigious award in recognition of a quarter of a century of notable accomplishments in the fields of committing and conspiring to cover up a gruesome murder.  This was no small challenge for them because, as a group, they have the brain power of a single cell ameoba.  They collectively deserve a lifetime achievement award for squandering the enormous family inheritance on booze, legal fees, rehabs & skiing.

 
6. Assorted Republicans

They now have control over all three branches of the federal government. Who they gonna call when there's trouble?
 
• The "fuck the country down the tubes" mentality of the Republican party - who would most likely change their job descriptions from statesman/politician to "lets go after anything Clinton". How can such a noble, moral, family values, whole grain goodness party Condemn Clinton for being a dope smoking, unpatriotic, reckless whore monger - and then after 8 years of searching, choose Dubya over McCain? Welp, guess what? Now we got a dope smoking, DUI'er, AWOL, and just plain fucking stupid, former party animal - frat boy. Looks like family values have finally won.
• The Republican Party gets my vote, for trying to (and probably succeeding in) thwarting the will of the populace and stealing the presidential election.  Up theirs.
• I nominate George W. Bush supporters. They are self-righteous lunatics  who rant about how immoral Bill Clinton and AL Gore are. But they turn a blind eye when George W. Bush do something bad. I am also sick of these wackos who trying to force their beliefs on me. I wish that they will get a life.
• Katherine Harris - With her dreams of an ambassador post in the toilet she needs a new title. This one will do nicely.
• Harris - Her puppet strings are TOO obvious

 
7. Rae Carruth

Brings whole new meaning to the phrase 'Ugly Dumb Jock'.
 
• Due to his callous and inhuman greed, arrogance, and most of all the stupid smirk that seems pasted to his face.

 
8. Michelle Bica

She wanted a baby in the worst way. That's how she got one.
 
• Evil Evil Evil  !!!!!

 
9. Bill Clinton

Come on, admit it. You miss the guy already. It won't be the same around here after he's gone. I hope he leaves a stinky cigar behind in the Oval Office as a souvenir for the next occupant.
 
 
10. Augusto Pinochet

His indictment may have been overturned, but Creeps of the Week never lose their titles.
 
• As a child of the '60s, I remember the optimism inspired by the "Summer of Love" and the "Age of Aquarius."  We had the Beatles, Haight-Ashbury, LSD and free love.  The human race was heading for a Golden Age. All of that hopeful idealism came crashing down in the '70s with the appearance of polyester, Abba and Augusto Pinochet. Here was a banana republican of the first order.  While Augusto wanted to be just like the big boys of his younger days: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, who killed millions of people for the crime of not agreeing with their twisted thinking; Pinochet could only whack a few thousand.  What a loser!

Here are some comments regarding Creep of the Year candidates who did not make the Top Ten, but nevertheless come highly recommended.

• US Supreme Court Justices who decide it is not in the interest of democracy to carefully examine and evaluate the Florida ballots when the alleged victor, who lost the national popular vote has a lead of 537 and there is an estimated 180,000 ballots that were rejected by the tabulation machines for unknown reasons.

• Janet Reno et al for having rifles pointed at a frightened 6-year old boy and tearing him out of the hands of the people who loved him...

• Charlton Heston - who rallied his legions of toothless rednecks to "vote your guns" in this years presidential election.  His efforts to guarantee the right of every psychopath in America to possess an Uzi put such a strain on big Mose that he had to take two weeks off from the campaign to dry out in a rehab center.

• Since I am close to becoming a senior citizen, I am a little biased toward Marcus Henderson. I'd like to see him hanging upside down from a tree, attached by his balls, with a pack of hungry wild dogs nipping at his fingers.

• The National "Leadership" of the Boy Scouts are the creepiest of creepies. They have caused a national fight in almost every community with their stupid, illogical, bigoted, and mean-spirited practice of excluding homosexuals. The Scouts are being kicked out of schools, police organizations, and even churches.  Who are these national "leaders?" My guess . . . a bunch of creepy old men.

• Edward Van Halen for making countless diehard fans confused and disappointed by prolonging the reunion of Van Halen with David Lee Roth.  How many more singers will Eddie audition before he realizes the fans want Dave.  How much longer will Ed make Dave wash his car, mow his lawn, have sex with his overweight wife Valerie, before he decides to get this reunion thing started? (Note - I know every vote is supposed to count, but Eddie is a Rock God. And Valerie still looks pretty good to me, too. Isn't there some technicality we can use to disqualify this one? Now I know how Katherine Harris felt.)

Well, I guess they told us! The good news is that there will be no more Creeps in 2000. The bad news is that there will be another boat load of them in 2001. Or is that the good news?