John Montgomery  Presents This Week's Creep Logo by Lynn Kauczka

The New Bedford Columbine Wannabees Future Terrorists of America

Damn! We screwed up again! We've been spending so much time and energy tracking down these terrorist adults (and semi-adults) that we forgot to watch the kids! You gotta keep your eye on those little bastards at all times! Who forgot to call the babysitter? Who let the kids out?

The newest inductees into the Future Terrorists of America Club hail from New Bedford, Massachusetts. Brothers Eric McKeehan, 17, and Michael McKeehan, 15, along with Steven Jones, 15, Neil Mello, 16, and (following what is apparently the custom these days) a sweet young lady, 17-year-old Amy Lee Bowman, have all been charged with conspiracy to commit murder, conspiracy to commit assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and possession of ammunition. In short, a Columbine-style massacre.

Their plan was to hide weapons in black trench coats and come out shooting from a bathroom at their school, New Bedford High, with the intent to kill "thugs, preps, and faculty". They were going to videotape the whole shebang, then climb onto the school's roof and shoot each other dead. You might wonder why dead kids would need a video, but I'm sure they knew what they were doing.

Eric, the ringleader, is pictured above. I know a guy who looks a lot like that, but he's 35 and has spent the last 20 years in jails, rehab centers and mental hospitals. Eric is seventeen. He looks like he could use some some padded cell time himself, not to mention a membership in the Hair Club for Boys. Maybe that's why he's so pissed off.

How'd they get caught? The two big S's of teenage terrorists: Sloppiness and Stupidity. A school janitor found a letter describing the entire plot along with some detonation devices. In addition, the token female in the gang, Amy, spilled the beans to her favorite teacher, Rachel Jupin, because Rachel was one of the targets on the hit list. Amy told her all about it, asking her to stay home that day but not tell anyone else what was going to happen. Amy has a heart of gold, but unfortunately for her fellow gang members, a brain of mush.

Actually, it looks like the whole pack of them descended from a long line of mental midgets. Steven's mother, Susan St. Hilaire, said the charges were based on rumors and hearsay. "These kids are good kids - all of them," says Susan.  Another mother said the story has been overblown by overzealous cops, claiming the ammunition found on her son was a souvenir from a hunting trip.

Here are some of the items police found when they searched Michael's house: ammunition from a variety of firearms, satanic masks, a meat cleaver, an ax, photographs of Adolf Hitler and Nazi paraphernalia, a bomb recipe book, two billy clubs, three knives, thumb cuffs, a spike rod, a gas mask, and finally a voodoo doll accompanied with nails and a noose. That must have been one hell of a hunting trip.

Now that the wannabees are in the pokey, life at New Bedford High is back to normal, whatever that might be these days. I don't remember everything I did in high school but I'm fairly certain we were not playing with thumb cuffs and spike rods. In fact, our goals were limited to sex, drugs and rock & roll, all of which kept us pretty far removed from thoughts of going up to the school roof and shooting each other.

Maybe someone ought to suggest that recipe to the faculty advisor at the Hair Club for Boys.