John Montgomery  Presents This Week's Creep Logo by Lynn Kauczka

Kathleen Soliah Before Terrorists Turned Pro

Believe it or not, there was a time when terrorists walked the land who were not ugly, towel-headed, camel-humping scruvy-dogs with beards. Back in the 1970s (before we called them Evil Doers), your average terrorist was either an angry black activist, or a long-haired college student with an attitude. Some of them were actually succulent young ladies! Imagine getting blown up by an old fashioned Christian babe! That must be a lot easier to take than getting snuffed by some swarthy Muslim with a box cutter.

Kathleen Soliah was one such babe. In 1975, she joined the Symbionese Liberation Army, a group of amateur nimrods armed with a radical political agenda, a very phallic looking logo featuring a seven-headed snake, and a team slogan that would make Osama bin Laden drool with envy: "Death to the fascist insect that preys on the life of the people." The SLA performed some murders and bank robberies, but their most infamous caper was the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst, a rich heiress to the Hearst publishing fortune. Patricia was converted to the cause, took part in an SLA bank robbery and ended up serving time after her capture.

Kathleen was a bit more slippery. According to authorities, her particular contribution to the SLA mayhem was planting pipe bombs under two Los Angeles police cruisers. For some reason, the bombs didn't go off and Kathleen disappeared. She was evidently a lot more successful at hiding out than at making bombs. She stayed on the lam for 24 years, during which she changed her name to Sara Jane Olson, got married, moved to Minnesota, raised three kids and became a standard suburban soccer mom, even acting in community theater. In 1999, her luck ran out when she got nailed the same way most career criminals get nailed these days: They showed her picture on "America's Most Wanted" and one of her neighbors turned her in.

At first, Kathleen / Sara Jane denied everything, but eventually it became clear she and that radically incompetent pipe bomb maker were one and the same. The trial promised to be a nostalgic extravaganza, with Patricia Hearst herself scheduled to be one of the witnesses. Unfortunately for Court TV fans, this week Kathleen pleaded guilty to two felony counts of attempted explosion of a destructive device with intent to murder. Although no sentence was agreed to as part of the plea bargaining, lawyers on both sides thought she would serve about two-and-a-half years of a five year sentence.

Not bad. One might think Kathleen would do her time quietly and perhaps learn something useful in the joint like how to make bombs that really explode.

But Kathleen, defiant as ever, wasn't about to let the fascist insects get the upper hand. As soon as she left the courtroom, she gathered some reporters together and pronounced that she was "pleading guilty to something to which I'm not guilty," and went on to say that since September 11, police were getting more respect and that would screw up her chances for a fair trial. "I have no regrets," was Kathleen's final word.

That may sound like harmless bravado from someone headed to prison, but the judge, Larry Fidler, didn't see it that way. He called Kathleen back into court to hold a hearing on canceling the entire plea agreement with the prospect of putting her on trial for the original charges, where a guilty verdict could bring a 20-year-to-life sentence. Sit tight, Patricia Hearst and Court TV. Now Kathleen has some regrets.

And prison isn't all she has to worry about. Former LA police officer James Bryan, whose car was one of those installed with Kathleen's bogus pipe bombs, is suing her for $24 million in damages for emotional distress, which he says prevented him from working as a cop from that point on. $24 million will allow James to catch up on all those donuts he's missed out on since 1975.

Don't you wish we had terrorists of Kathleen's caliber around today?