John Montgomery Presents This Week's Creep Logo by Lynn Kauczka

June 9, 2001 Timothy McVeigh

There was a time in my life when I was against the death penalty. I believed, rather naively, that were enough evil scumbags causing death and destruction in the world, so why should the government get involved in providing more? Since then I've realized that government scumbags can be just as evil. But as long as that's the case, and we're paying their salaries, why not have them eliminate the non-governmental evil scumbags? Somebody's got to do it. Of course, that brings up the problem of how to deal with the evil scumbags in the government. That's the problem Timothy McVeigh thought he was trying to solve.

But you know what? Fuck Tim and his problems and his obsessions with Waco and the death of his grandfather and the loss of his mother and his rejection by the Green Berets and his inability to get laid. Who cares? We all have some bad times in our lives. But we don't respond to them by blowing up buildings with a trucks full of fertilizer, killing 168 people including 19 children's worth of collateral damage.

Unless some disaster occurs (or the FBI finds a few more hidden files), Tim's walk down the Green Mile is coming within a few hours. His execution will not be a deterrent to others looking to do something similar. The deterrent argument for the death penalty is refuted by facts and is now made only by slow-thinking politicians for the benefit of their slow-thinking constituents. Nor will Tim's death provide any sense of satisfaction for the relatives of his victims. Even they don't really believe that. And the death penalty doesn't do anyone any good when it's used to kill mentally retarded black guys in Texas on a weekly basis, Snippy-style.

No. Strapping Timothy McVeigh to a gurney and injecting him with drugs to make his lungs collapse and heart stop will simply make the world a better place. A little more peace. A little less hatred. One less Creep. We're living in a "civilized" society where we all have to follow a few rules if it's going to be anything but a dog-eat-dog jungle. If some people can't follow those rules, or can't get along with the minimum number of other people they have to encounter to live their miserable lives, or whose only goal is to leave the world a worse place than they found it, then it's time for them to go.

So I say kill 'em all. Hang 'em. Fry 'em. Beat 'em to death with their own hacked-off body parts. Throw 'em in a room in Nepal with the royal family and an automatic weapon. All of 'em. The killers, the child molesters, the muggers and the able-bodied morons who park in handicapped parking places. Let's get rid of those hate-mongering degenerates on AM talk radio, that British bitch on "Weakest Link", and the greasy asshole who cut me off in traffic yesterday and then flipped me his snot-encrusted middle finger. So long, suckers, I'm looking forward to many tomorrows without you.

As for viewing Tim's execution, I think I'll pass. It's going to be on closed circuit TV and you know a pirated version will show up on the Web soon. If it was going to be a beheading or a de-balling, I'd consider having a look, but death-by-injection seems pretty lame. At least they should put his other arm in a bucket of warm water so he'll piss his pants on the way out.

What do suppose Tim has in mind for the future? His first stop in hell might be to meet his pal / hero / mentor / role model David Koresh, head of the Branch Davidians who died at Waco. Will Dave buy Tim's "I killed children in Oklahoma to make up for the government's killing of children at Waco" routine and welcome him as a fellow evil scumbag? Or will Dave think Tim is a pansy because he didn't have sex with the kids first? Will there be an argument because Tim left part of his building still standing while Dave's got burnt all the way to the ground? Is there enough room down there for the two of them? We can only hope the answer is "Yes" because we don't want to see them back here. Hey Satan, you wanted 'em, you gotta keep 'em.