John Montgomery Presents This Week's	March 10, 2001	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	A Visit to the Old Creeps Home
	They'll Always Be Creeps

It seems there's no redemption for Creeps. Whatever inbred genetic mutation it is that causes someone to go rotten, it just keeps going and going and going. Yesterday's Creeps are today's and tomorrow's. There's no escaping them. All we can do is be vigilant, constantly monitor their activities, and nail them on this web site whenever they get out of line. Which is often. It's a never-ending, thankless task. But we're up to it, aren't we? Here is a small sampling of past Creeps who've once again come through the revolving door of The Old Creeps Home.

• When we last saw the Reverend Jesse Jackson, he was coming clean about an illegitimate daughter he'd sired by his combination employee / mistress, Karin Stanford. Now he's being accused of an IRS transgression known as "Failure to Claim Da Ho." On the 1999 tax return for Jesse's Citizenship Education Fund, he neglected to list Karin's name on the line that asks, "Which Ho's You Be Claimin'?" Jesse is filing an amended return and pledges to forget no mo ho's, mofo.

• When we last saw the Reverend Jerry Falwell, he was fresh from saving the world from gay Tinky Winky dolls. He was also having a hard time sitting down because George W Bush's lips were firmly implanted on his Christian butt during last year's South Carolina primary. Now Jerry's not so sure his chapped butt cheeks got their money's worth. He's worried that Snippy's faith based community initiative idea may provide some funding to some of those bad religions. "Islam should be out the door before they knock," quoth the Reverend, "The Moslem faith teaches hate."

John DiIulio, the head of the government initiative, had this rejoinder for Jerry: "White, exurban, evangelical and national para-church leaders should be careful not to presume to speak for any persons other than themselves and their own churches." Don't you just love it when these sanctimonious pricks start dissing each other like street gang members?

When we last saw Snippy, he was crying, "Where I come from, when you kiss somebody's butt, he doesn't drop a load on your face. Don't mess with Texas!" When we last saw Dick Cheney, he was shaking his head, grimacing in pain, and holding on to his heart.

• When we last saw John and Patsy Ramsey, they were still performing that same old, "All we did was dress up our little JonBenet to look like a slut. How could anyone think we killed her? But if you buy our book, you'll find a list of suspects you oughta check out" routine. This week, one of those suspects, their former housekeeper Linda Hoffmann-Pugh, sued the Rammers for $50 million, claiming she's been, "shunned, hated, ridiculed and held in contempt by members of her community.'' Linda also points out in her lawsuit that it was actually Patsy who killed JonBenet. Look for the judge to say, "Good detective work, Linda. Wonder why nobody's ever thought of that before?" Look for John and Pasty to say, "And where was Hillary that night?"

• When we last saw Bobby Knight, he was getting his chair-throwing, police-punching, son-kicking, garbage can fan-stuffing ass thrown out of Indiana University as its basketball coach. They'd put him under a zero tolerance policy regarding "inappropriate" physical contact with students which he promptly broke when one them greeted him with the disrespectful epithet, "Hey, what's up, Knight?" This week Bobby sent a letter to the University informing them that he intends to sue for slander and libel because of damages including, "lost income, pain and suffering, mental humiliation and interference with his ability to obtain subsequent employment." Evidently, Bobby thought some other school was going to jump at the chance to hire such an emotionally disturbed touch-hole. Where was he the night JonBenet got killed?

• And finally, when we last saw OJ Simpson, he was hot on the trail of the real killers. So hot that he doesn't have time to stop at stop signs. When a motorist beeped his horn at OJ last December after such an incident, OJ got out of his vehicle, reached into the other guy's car and yanked his glasses off, scratching his face. OJ is charged with felony burglary of an occupied vehicle and misdemeanor battery, which could send him up the river for 15 years. This week, he pleaded 100% not guilty to the charges, saying through his attorney, "We're getting our trial suits on." First the trial suit, then the prison jump suit, if there's any God.