John Montgomery Presents This Week's	March 3, 2001	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	Robert Noel and Marjorie Knoller
	Going To (And Coming With) The Dogs

Think this world of ours is going to the dogs? You have no idea.

This dog story, which will make you laugh, cry and puke all at the same time, began in late January. Diane Whipple, 33, a lacrosse coach at St. Mary's College in San Francisco, was leaving her apartment when she was attacked and killed by two 120-pound Presa Canario-mastiffs. Since that time, prosecutors have been investigating whether to bring charges against the owners of the dogs, Robert Noel and Marjorie Knoller, who are husband and wife law partners. Those investigations, and public statements by Robert and Marjorie, have become progressively more bizarre, sickening and perverted.

Marjorie, who was there when the attack occurred, said she tried to stop it, but Diane resisted her efforts and at one point punched Marjorie in the face. It was then that dog number one, Bane, ripped Diane's throat out. Therefore Diane was responsible for her own death. "I wouldn't say it was an attack, and I did everything that was humanly possible," says Marjorie.

Robert concurs and adds a theory of his own: Diane helped provoke the attack by her use of pheromone-based cosmetics or steroids that "as a serious athlete," she may have been using. Hey, Diane was just begging to get dog-mauled. Everybody knows pheromone-based cosmetics cause monstrous, Cujo-like creatures to go berserk.

Robert goes on to say that Bane and dog number two, Hera, did not have histories of attacking people, despite numerous such claims by neighbors. "Absolute fabrication," says Robert. "A lot of people like their 15 minutes of fame and come forward with outrageous stories." Hera and the other dangerous, dumb animal are pictured above.

It gets weirder. Robert and Marjorie got the dogs from two clients of theirs, Paul "Cornfed'' Schneider and Dal Bretches. Cornfed and Dal are inmates at Pelican Bay State Prison and members of the Aryan Brotherhood white supremacist group. They wanted to breed Bane and Hera to be part of an illegal dog-fighting ring and then sell them as guard dogs to methamphetamine labs. The prosecutors are focusing on whether Robert and Marjorie knew the dogs were dangerous when they got them. If so, they could be charged with murder.

If that was as far as the story went, you'd be justified in concluding that Robert and Marjorie were negligent idiots who richly deserved to be locked up in a cage, sprayed with gallons of pheromone-based cosmetics and thrown to their foaming-at-the-mouth crazy canines where they'd be subjected to as much snarling, fur-flying violence as a Rodham family reunion.

But there's more.

Wanna know why those dogs were so mean?

This week, authorities released the contents of a search warrant which, among other things, was seeking evidence that Robert and Marjorie were having sex with the dogs. SEX WITH THE DOGS! We're talking about cross-species fornication (presumably doggie style) with degenerate beasts from far below on the evolutionary scale. And that's just what Bane and Hera had to put up with!

If you ever went through a "young and irresponsible" era in your life, you may remember getting loaded, hooking up with someone you hardly knew, and waking up the next morning thinking, "I just spent the night with a real dog!" Robert and Marjorie must think that every morning. Now they're not only looking at murder charges, but bestiality raps, too.

At least when they have sex in jail, the animals will be human.