John Montgomery Presents This Week's	November 4, 2000	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	The Hillary Haters
	Why I'm Voting For Senator Clinton

The New York Senate race should have been a no-brainer. Some lady from Arkansas / Washington / Chicago, who's never held any elective office, moves to New York and expects to become a United States Senator merely on the basis of her celebrity. She's not very friendly, has absolutely no sense of humor, and she's had all kinds of ethical (not to mention marital) problems in her past. On the other side, we have an affable four-term Congressman, who's lived in New York his whole life, with a nice wife and two cute kids. The candidates don't really disagree on any issues of substance. So what's to think about? Why not go for the New Yorker and send that phony, ruthless carpetbagger back to her philandering husband?

As usual, it ain't that simple. First of all, Rick Lazio's campaign against Hillary Clinton has been just that: Against Hillary Clinton. Nothing more. His entire candidacy can be summed up in one Chevy Chase line, "She's Hillary Clinton and I'm not!" That's all he's had to say. Someone running for the Senate has to have some qualifications other than that. Rick either doesn't have any or believes the fact that he's not Hillary should be sufficient.

And then there's the other factor New York voters had had to put up with: The Hillary Haters. That's the group of partisan politicians, journalists, lawyers, AM radio talk show hosts, and their intellectually limited sheep flocks who have transferred the visceral, vitriolic hatred they've been power-vomiting at Bill Clinton for the last eight years over to his wife.

How did Bill incur the wrath of these people? It goes way beyond disagreements on policy. It's the kind of hatred that produces mouth-frothing, face-purpling, pants-peeing tantrums every time they see Bill's cocky grin on TV. I can understand why a Vietnam veteran would hate him. I understand why someone with a lousy (or non-existent) sex life would hate him, too. If you believe that the Republican party's mission and God's are indistinguishable, you're going to be pretty pissed off at a master politician who keeps beating you solely on the basis of his personal charm and his ability to steal the best issues right out of your Bible-thumping hands.

But what explains the passion of the Hillary Haters? The draft dodging issue doesn't apply to her. She has no sex life to be jealous of. Her relentless ambition and lack of personal warmth would make her a perfect fit at a Republican House leadership breakfast. No, the bug up the Hillary Haters' collective asses is that ever since their attempts to throw Bill out of office failed, the only thought that's kept them from hurling themselves from their penthouse windows is that both Clintons will be forced out of power on January 20, 2001. They thought they'd never have to deal with them again. They could see themselves back in power, where God meant them to be, with no more Democratic pretenders to the throne on the horizon for the next 20 years. Then Hillary pulled the New York Senate trick. Hillary Haters from all over the country defecated their drawers and decided to mobilize once again.

Their ads trot out all the ritual, dirty scare words that didn't work against Bill: Whitewater, Travel Office Firings, FBI Files, Vince Foster, Monica, China, ad nauseum. They've come up with three new words that are actually very scary (to them): President Hillary Clinton!  The editorial pages and internet discussion groups are swollen with the writings of ditto heads who regurgitate what Rush stuffed down their throats the day before. The only word you never hear from this crowd is Lazio. She could be running against Charles Manson, Eminem or Beelzebub himself and no Hillary Hater's mind would be changed.

Unlike most of these miscreants, I actually have a say in how this election is going to turn out. As a resident of New York State, I've had to endure this overload of rancid manure shoveled in my direction for the past year. It's starting to smell pretty foul around here. And it's helped me decide that I'd rather be invaded by one cold and calculating lady than by those thousands of bile-spewing, gas-filled blowhards.

Some people will tell you that the Hillary Haters secretly want her to win the election so they'll still have a highly visible bogeyman to rant to the troops about after Bill leaves office. Don't believe it. A Hillary victory is a fundamental rejection of everything these morons stand for. A Senator Clinton will cause the Hillary Haters to puke in the shower every morning for the next six years. They'll be gouging out their eyes, gargling with lye, and hanging themselves from the Brooklyn Bridge.

It'll be fun to watch. And it will be my pleasure to help make it happen.