John Montgomery Presents This Week's	September 16, 2000	Creep Logo by Alan Fraser
	Bobby Knight
	The Clock Runs Out on the Hoosier God

I want you to know from the outset that I'm not objective about this.

I spent my impressionable high school and college years in the state of Indiana. I was also pretty deep into the state of Confusion during that time, but that's a story for another day. I attended Purdue University, which has an intense intra-state sports rivalry with Indiana University. One of the first things they teach you when you arrive on the hallowed grounds of Purdue is that Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight is a Major League Asshole. Much of the other stuff they tried to spoon feed me there turned out not to be true, but they were right about Bobby.

Unlike most of the Creeps I chronicle here every week, I've checked this one out in person. Whenever Bobby and his Hoosier basketball team came to town, we'd all attend the game to cheer on our Boilermakers, but mostly to boo Bobby. He'd scream at the officials, he'd scream at his players and he'd scream at the booing fans. He'd get purple in the face and scream louder than all the booing fans combined. On his way off the court, he'd scream at the guys selling the programs and sweeping the floors. I don't remember who won the games, but I'll never forget Bobby's boorish bellowing.

And evidently, Bobby was on his best behavior when I saw him. I missed seeing the chair-throwing, the police-punching, the son-kicking and the garbage can fan-stuffing. Bobby's been getting away with that kind of violent demagoguery for nearly 30 years. Why? Because he's a great coach. He led Indiana to 661 victories, 11 Big Ten titles and three NCAA championships. In addition, he coached the US basketball team to the gold medal at the 1984 Olympics. In sports, when you win, you can get away with anything. You become God.

These days, however, even God has his limitations. Last May, a videotape surfaced that showed Bobby choking one of his players at a practice. University president Myles Brand fined him $30,000 and put him under a "zero tolerance" conduct policy which prohibited "inappropriate" physical contact with students. Bobby agreed, paid the fine and went right on being God.

Big mistake. Very un-God-like. He should have screamed instead. Bobby should have gone into one of his patented, purple-faced tantrums, grabbed Myles by the balls and begun to shriek: "Listen, you sniveling, crapulent cockroach! Do you know who you're talking to? God! Goddamn God! Nobody tells God what to do! You don't give God a conduct policy! You want the victories and the big revenue? You want me as your basketball coach? This is what you get: God! Now shove that zero tolerance up your ass and get back behind that desk before I tear these little balls off and feed 'em to my 6-foot-10-inch center for dessert!"

Only in the movies, kids. This week, God's reign finally came to an undignified end. The last straw was an altercation with a freshman student, Kent Harvey, who had greeted Bobby on campus by saying, "Hey, what's up, Knight?" Bobby took offense, grabbed Kent by the arm, and gave him a lecture on Respecting God. Myles fired Bobby three days later, citing a "pattern of unacceptable behavior" wherein Bobby had been "defiant and hostile", showing "continued unwillingness" to act like a mortal human being.

It should be pointed out that the student's comment was extraordinarily stupid. You don't invade God's personal space in the midst of God's country. Kent was lucky to escape with a bruised arm. He's been getting email death threats and his fellow students are distributing posters that show his picture along with the words "Wanted: Dead." From now on, he'll be praying to God, not greeting him like one of his teenage pals.

So now what do we do with Bobby? He's still pretty tightly wrapped. During an interview on ESPN after the firing, he sat coiled on a chair and several times looked like he was ready to spring through the air to head butt the interviewer. He needs a situation where a hair trigger temper is an asset, in a place where no one invades God's personal space.

How about Hillary Clinton's bodyguard? During her next debate, she'll need someone like Bobby to keep Rick Lazio back behind his podium where he belongs.