Good Riddance to Kenny Boy
  7/5/2006 

The Late Kenny Boy Lay

Kenny Boy Lay has a new position screwing the residents of hell


Kenny Boy Lay was a lucky guy. Now he won't have to endure the indignity of putting on that orange jump suit and making license plates. He'll never have to worry about whether his new cellmate is a penniless, horny, homicidal maniac whose entire life savings was invested in Enron stock. He can rest easy when picking up the soap from the floor of the shower because where he is now, he'll be doing the screwing. Kenny Boy is back home with the Boys of Hell, where reaming the asses of poor, unsuspecting suckers is Standard Operating Procedure.

The former Chairman of Enron and convicted felon took my advice and died today, supposedly of a heart attack, but we all know there was an oil can stuffed with cold, hard cash in the vast, gaping hole of his chest where normal people have a heart. You'd have to go pretty far to find someone as evil as Kenny Boy Lay. (Of course, Big Dick Cheney makes Kenny Boy look like a virginally pure choir boy, but we'll save that discussion for whenever Big Dick croaks or gets led away in handcuffs, whichever comes first.)

It's a sign of the trust Kenny Boy engendered that he's been dead for less than 24 hours and already the conspiracy theories are flying around the Internet as fast as his old beneficiary George W Bush blew him off when the Enron bankruptcy and indictments hit the fan:

Whatever the truth is, at least we don't have to deal with Kenny Boy Lay anymore. No more of that cornpone smile and the pious public prayers. No more protestations of innocence blaming wild-eyed underlings, unknown bad guys and (naturally) the liberal Main Stream Media. No more putting up with years worth of appeals and George's inevitable pardon. Life just got a little bit better.

That is good news, but unfortunately for us, Kenny Boy's partner in crime, Jeffrey Skilling, is still out there awaiting sentencing. Unless he follows Ken's enlightened lead (and we can only hope), Jeffrey may even use this development as a way to bolster his defense. "You know I didn't want to say anything in front of Kenny Boy, but the whole plot was his idea! I was just the butt boy! He threatened me with poverty and embarrassment if I didn't go along! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

Right. Slime bags will always be with us, but take heart from the fact that one of the biggest of all time no longer is. If it was the stress of his own downfall that did him in, then we're all better off as a result. Kenny Boy Lay can be the example we hold over our kids' heads: You want to end up as a washed up, beaten down, 64-year-old smelly corpse headed to hell? Then stay on the straight and narrow!

Good riddance, Kenny Boy. May we never see the likes of you again.
 
 
 
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