Rush Limbaugh on Viagra

6/28/2006

Up until yesterday, I thought that the most disgusting, nauseating, sickening and gross scene I could possibly imagine was the inside of the crud-encrusted break room microwave oven at work that smells like food from eight different countries.

But that was yesterday. Now that microwave seems like a hot fudge sundae with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream. I'd lick it clean in a minute as long as I didn't have to contemplate the new image that's replaced my definition of 'grossly disgusting' for as long as I live. Those of you with queasy stomachs better stop reading right now and go heat up your lunch in that microwave. You're still here? Think you're a tough guy? You can take anything I can dish out, you say? Try this:

Rush Limbaugh on Viagra.

Ha! I bet that sent both ends of your digestive tract into painful spasm, didn't it? One more time:

Rush Limbaugh on Viagra!

While you're screaming in the vomitorium, allow me to recount what went down in Palm Beach yesterday. Rush arrived at the airport from a vacation in the Dominican Republic.  Like all disgraced and hopelessly hypocritcal drug addicts, he was subject to a full search of all his luggage. No illegal pain killers this time, just some Viagra. Oh, no problem, Mr. Limbaugh, if you'd just show us some proof that you have a valid prescription for these drugs, you can be on your way. What kind of proof? Oh, you know, like having your name on the bottle? Like every other genitally dysfuntional guy in America?

Rush was held for three hours while officials tried to determine whether this action violated the deal he'd made with Florida prosecutors just a few months ago to settle the pain killer rap for doctor shopping and money laundering. That gave the rest of us time to run all the ugly implications of this through our idle and perverted minds.

Think of that lard-stuffed, naked ass parading around some desert island. No, Rush, whatever you do, don't turn around! Aaaaauuuugggghhhhhh, he's doing it! There go those flabby cheeks! Here come the rolls! Lift them up and ... Oh my God, there it is! That tiny pink erect tool looking for a home! Is there any recovery from this? Are you scarred for all eternity? Will you ever be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life again? How can you look yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning?

Well, if you're totally ruined by just imagining such a scene, think of the poor woman (or man, creature, plastic device, hole in the ground, etc) who was actually there! Something ended up on the receiving end of that revolting rod. We better start putting some money away right now for the inevitable fund raiser benefitting the unfortunate victims who've been brutalized by this abberation of the natural order of life on earth.

And what is the earth's natural order? Glad you asked. Here it is: Fat, hate-filled, racist, drug-addicted bastards are not supposed to get laid! That is how God intended it. It's how we preserve the species and upgrade the gene pool. It's the only chance future generations will have to live long and prosper.

But now, with Viagra and the rest of the boner drugs, anybody can get a woody. Throw in a multi-million dollar income and these miscreats can actually have sex! Bob Dole was scary enough, but Rush Limbaugh?

And you thought gay marriage was an unnatural travesty?
 
 

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