Scooter? Isn't That What You Name Your Dog?

10/30/2005

Where the hell did this wanker come from? Every month Bush and his band of lying criminals come up with one more incompetent, morally corrupt and grossly unqualified loser whose career erupts in self-inflicted flames. In September it was FEMA Director Michael Brown who had his secretary inform the assistant begging for help that Michael was too busy having dinner at a restaurant to help bail out New Orleans as it was drowning from Hurricane Katrina. October's surprise was Harriet Miers who they nominated to the Supreme Court because of her stellar judicial experience in judging George Bush as the most brilliant man she'd ever met. Now it's Irving Lewis "Scooter" Libby, who comes to most Americans' attention for the first time by being indicted for perjury, obstruction of justice and false statements in the Valerie Plame CIA outing case.

Scooter? Scooter? Forget what he's accused of - Isn't there something inherently obscene and pathetic about a grown man who calls himself Scooter? Look at his face at the top of this page! Just look at it! Have you ever seen so much arrogance and contempt all stacked up in one place before? This is a guy who thinks he can get away with anything! And why not? He learned his craft at the cloven hooves of the most corrupt and evil man ever to run the United States government - Big Dick Cheney.

Big Dick and Scooter concocted the Iraq war by cooking up intelligence that supported their fables of weapons of mass destruction and ignoring all evidence to the contrary. They pulled the wool over the eyes of ignorant dunces like George and gullible good soldiers like Colin Powell. They in turn sold the whole stinking mess to the American public and the next day we're in Iraq expecting to be greeted with the rose petals Scooter and Big Dick said the Iraqis would be throwing at us.

It wasn't too long after that that some people began asking some inconvenient questions: Hey Big Dick, just where are those weapons of mass destruction? What about those nuclear weapons you promised us? Has anyone even seen any pea shooters over here? The CIA, not about to be made the scapegoats of this impending disaster, sent Joseph Wilson to Niger to check out one of Big Dick & Scooter's most outrageous fairy tales: That Saddam Hussein had agreed to buy processed uranium, also known as "yellow cake", to blast us godly Americans to hell and back. Joseph determined it was more Bush BS and had the audacity to say so publicly.

Scooter freaked out. He became obsessed with silencing and wreaking revenge on Joseph. Once he found out, most likely from Big Dick himself, that Joe's wife, Valerie Plame, was a CIA agent, he gave that information to at least two reporters, Matthew Cooper of Time Magazine and Judith Miller of The New York Times. Much later, when Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald came calling to investigate this treasonous act, Scooter lied about it and said it was the reporters who told him about Valerie's CIA status. Now he's looking at 30 years.

It seems clear that Patrick's strategy is to squeeze Scooter's tiny nuts in a vise, pressuring him to give up bigger prey, like Karl Rove or Big Dick himself. Will it work? Have another look at Scooter's face. No chance. Expect to hear more of the "Technical perjury to cover up no crime" defense. This from the very same esteemed voices who seven years ago were jumping up and down, peeing their pants, shouting that the American way of life was in danger of collapsing because Bill Clinton lied under oath about an Oval Office blow job. I seem to remember something about restoring honor and dignity to the White House, too.

Hmmm, let's see. Which is stickier? Monica Lewinsky's blue stained dress or Scooter Libby's arrogant ass after 30 years in jail?
 
 

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