Conservative Cat Fight

10/14/2005

Back in my bar days, there was nothing better (well, almost nothing) than watching a couple of chicks get into a fight. It was always late, after everyone had been drinking excessively for hours. There'd be some inevitable slick guy who both chicks thought they had the "rights" to and their disagreement on that point is what would start the fur flying.

And these chicks weren't fighting by the Marquis of Queensbury rules either. That's what made it fun. They'd scratch each other's faces with their nails. They'd yank each other's hair out. They'd kick each other's ribs with their spiked heels. They'd end up rolling over each other on the floor with their skirts up over their heads. It was great stuff! And the studly guy they were fighting over would be standing back, leaning against the bar, drinking his beer with a bemused expression on his face, wondering how life could possibly get any better.

My current family situation doesn't lend itself to me getting out to bars in the wee hours where such events are likely, so I have to settle for more sedate pleasures. But these days the cat fights on TV are pretty awesome. We're seeing a conservative cat fight right now as the right wingers scratch each other's faces and yank each other's hair out over Harriet Miers.

Harriet, as you well know, is George W Bush's latest pick for the US Supreme Court. Is she worthy of the Supremes? Depends on who you ask. George, of course, says she was the best person he could find. Trouble was, he didn't look any farther than down the hall at the White House. Harriet has been one of George's legal water carriers for over 10 years. Her chief qualification? She thinks George is the most brilliant man she's ever met. How many men do you suppose she compared to make that judgment? Furthermore, she thinks he was the best Texas governor ever! If gushing like a Ecstasy-pumped 13-year-old groupie at a Kanye West party makes you the best candidate for the Supremes, Harriet's in.

The other cats in this fight aren't nearly so impressed with Harriet's credentials. The true-believing, more-right-wing-than-you crowd are spitting out their standard brand of indignant venom over George's audacity in not nominating someone with a conservative (meaning anti-abortion) paper trail. Like George's previous Supreme pick, John Roberts, Harriet has never expressed a public opinion on anything, except the previously mentioned panty-wetting over George. The right wingers were willing to accept a stealth candidate, like John, as long as he belonged to the Federalist Society, but Harriet has committed a number of mortal sins.

She used to be a Democrat! Horrors! She donated money to Al Gore! Heretic! She believes in equal rights for gays! Pervert! She doesn't think the NAACP is too political! Liberal bitch! Come over here Harriet, let me kick you in the ribs with my right wing spiked heels!

The biggest problem these radical conservatives have with this whole deal is that George is giving them the old "nudge-nudge wink-wink Trust Me" treatment regarding Harriet. That's the same routine his father gave them when he stuffed David Souter down their throats and onto the Supreme Court. David has turned out to be an infidel and they're not about to let that happen again. After all, they believe they were solely responsible for George's election and re-election, so who the hell does this ingrate think he's dealing with? Feeble-minded moderates? They want a belligerent, in-your-face, red-meat, gun-slinging, card-carrying, religious right-winger who can spark a national debate and then kick and scratch Roe v. Wade back into the back alleys where it belongs.

What these guys don't seem to realize is that George doesn't give a good God damn about Roe v. Wade or gay rights or prayer in the schools or anything else on their social agenda. What George cares about is his own sorry ass and those of the devious bastards he's surrounded himself with. George is going to need a gushing groupie on the Supreme court to protect him from being sent to the Hague to stand trial as an international war criminal. Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Rove, Libby and a gaggle of  lower-level miscreants will be parading through the courts for years to come and they'll be looking for lackey like Harriet to get them off the hook.

So let the cat fight begin! I can't wait to see Ann Coulter rolling on the floor with her skirt over her head!
 
 

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