Tom Delay: The Face of the GOP

10/3/2005

This pious weasel is finally going down

He's the quintessential Republican. Corrupt. Arrogant. Vicious. Slimy. Humorless. And ugly as a twenty-dollar whore at 6AM.

Tom Delay, who was indicted on three counts of corruption this week, is without a doubt the most rotten sleazeball in Congress. And he has some impressive competition there. But his fellow Republicans in the House of Representatives recognize a leader when they see one. Their Majority Leader! He's The Hammer who relentlessly coerces money from those who want government favors and then doles it out to politicians he controls. Tom is brutally efficient and usually gets what he wants by threats and bribery.

He's usually able to avoid trouble, too. The House Ethics Committee has "admonished" Tom three times in the last two years for various sleazy transgressions. How did he handle that? He changed the committee, getting rid of those turncoat Republicans who challenged his ethics and replacing them with his protégés and butt boys.

This time, however, The Hammer may finally have been nailed. Home town Texas prosecutor Ronnie Earle indicted Tom for criminal conspiracy to send illegal corporate contributions to candidates in the 2002 Texas state elections. That forced Tom out of his Majority Leader position. He spent the weekend accusing Ronnie of being a witch-hunting "partisan zealot" out for "personal revenge". Have you noticed how these law and order Republicans always cry "political vendetta" whenever they get caught? Tom's delusional outcries sounded suspiciously like Rush Limbaugh's accusations of the Florida prosecutor who's investigating him for money laundering and doctor shopping. Could these two have stumbled on the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy?

Anyway, old Ronnie enjoyed kicking up the Texas dust so much he indicted Tom on two more counts a few days later. This time it was conspiracy to commit money laundering. What does that mean? It means Tom's in a heap of trouble, boy. He's going down. And his erstwhile buds in the House seem to realize it. They quickly replaced him as Majority Leader with one of his own clones and carried on as if nothing happened. The White House gave him a tepid statement of support, saying, "Yup, Tommy, you've been a good supporter when we needed you, but we sure don't need you now. We've got our own indictments to worry about. Don't let the cell door hit you in the ass when it slams."

What's next for Tom? More paranoid ranting. Fund raising for legal fees. Plea bargaining. Probation. Resignation. New job as a lobbyist at 50 times his current salary.

Standard American Political Operating Procedure at its finest.

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