How Not to Buy the Stones CD

9/17/2005

Every time I start to think I'm old, I just think of the Rolling Stones. They've been playing rock and roll for over 40 years and they're still kicking ass! Let me count the ways:

Mick Jagger - Still impregnating exotic models well into his 60's.

Charlie Watts - Beat throat cancer and still never misses a beat.

Ronnie Wood - The baby at 58 years-old and still the new kid in the band after 30 years.

And what can you say about Keith Richards that hasn't already been said? If you need an excuse to abuse yourself at any age, there he is, in zombie-like full color.

And amazingly enough, the Stones have just put out a great CD, "A Bigger Bang"! It's back-to-the-basics Stones, reminiscent of their early 1980s stuff that they did back when they were young studs in the their 40's. While most of their peers are either dead or cleaning toilets for a living, the Stones are making great new music.

But here's the problem: How does an aging baby boomer like myself go out in public to buy a Stones CD without being treated like a dinosaur? Yeah, I know I could have gone to amazon.com to buy it online, but I wanted it now. And Circuit City had it on sale for $10.99. $10.99! You can't even buy four gallons of gas for $10.99.

So I go walking into Circuit City, and I'm immediately accosted by one of their young "partners" (named Jason, of course) who knows a middle-class, middle-aged patsy when he sees one.

"Good evening, sir, can I interest you in our latest Front-Projection Video? You look like a Plasma screen guy. Or is it LCD?"

"Actually, I just wanted to buy a CD. Are these the CDs over here?"

"Oh no, sir, those are the games. Do you have an X Box? Playstation? Nintendo Gamecube? How'd you like to see one of our new wireless controllers?"

"No! I want a CD. A compact disc. A CD by the Rolling Stones. Where can I find that?"

Jason seemed a bit shaken by my tone and obviously had no idea where the CDs were. He needed help, so he called over another of his "partners". Sierra was more my type, a delightful looking young lady with that "touch me and you'll go to jail for 5-7 years" sort of look.

Sierra was much more helpful. "CDs? Oh yeah, we have a few CDs. See that sign over there that says Lawrence Welk?"

"I'm looking for the new CD by the Rolling Stones. Do you have that?"

"Yeah! The Rolling Stones! My dad listens to them!"

Finally, I've made a connection, even if it was one generation removed. "I bet your dad has the Stones on vinyl, doesn't he?"

Sierra's only response is a blank look.

"You know, vinyl. Phonograph records. Those flat black things with the hole in the middle!"

She starts giggling. "Oh, no, my dad's not that old!"

Suddenly amazon.com is sounding pretty good.

"Please. Do you have the CD?"

"Let me do a search on my Blackberry GPS Pathfinder Compass."

I eventually got out of there with the new Stones CD. It cost me $10.99 plus tax, plus my pride, my dignity and my temporary youthful enthusiasm. And there's more bad news: Next week the new Paul McCartney CD goes sale at Circuit City for $10.99.
 
 

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