johnmonty.com - Hey, Let's Put On a Show!

Hey, Let's Put On a Show!

10/2/2002

The Brain Trust (plus George) get ready to put on a really big show

N I finally figured out who George W Bush reminds me of since he's been peeing the presidential pants on a daily basis in pursuit of war with Iraq: Mickey Rooney. Mickey starred in all those movies of the 1930s and 1940s where he'd need to raise a pile of money to fix some troublesome situation he's gotten himself into. He'd gather all his song-and-dance friends together and shout out, "Hey, let's put on a show!" The show would go on, raising the needed cash, as well as allowing Mickey to accomplish his REAL objective, which was to get Judy Garland in the sack.

George is putting on a show, too. But it's not for the benefit of nostalgic, old film fans. George's show is being put on to placate the extremist armchair warriors and towel head fever sufferers who want to experience the war on their TVs that they declined to experience in person when they had the chance. That lady who got caught on video beating up her 4-year-old daughter in Kohl's parking lot has more combat experience than any of those bozos.

So what's George's objective? What does he want to accomplish by putting on this big war show? If you listen to him, the goal is to eliminate Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction. Or to eliminate Saddam. Or to expand the war on terrorism. Lately, we've been hearing there's a direct link between Saddam and 9/11. Well, actually there's no direct link, but al Qaeda officials have been meeting with Iraq officials. Well, there's not really any proof of that, either, but hey, al Qaeda guys are definitely living in Iraq. Of course, they're living in Buffalo, too.

No, you won't find out anything regarding George's real objectives by listening to him or any of his limp-wristed cheerleaders who mindlessly parrot the latest faxes of talking points from Karl Rove. Try these on for size instead:

There's oil in that there dessert. Nothing excites wealthy oil barons like George and Big Dick Cheney than the prospect of plundering a whole country's worth of free oil. Then watch the price of gasoline go up to $4.00 a gallon.

The new foreign policy of the United States: We can do whatever the hell we want, to whoever the hell we want to do it to, whenever the hell we feel like it, and the rest of you can go fornicate with yourselves. Whenever you want.

Distract the voters in the upcoming election from the plunging stock market, their disappearing retirement funds, and the general raping and pillaging of the economy by George and Big Dick's corrupt corporate board buds.

Take people's minds off the fact that Osama "Dead or Alive" bin Laden is still hiding in a cave somewhere happily humping camels.

Complete George The First's unfinished business. This is personal, damn it! After all, "this is the guy who tried to kill my dad at one time." If it was my dad, I'd be pretty pissed off, too, but I wouldn't expect the whole world to send their kids to help me get revenge.

Up to now, George's "Let's put on a show" call has failed to rally the troops. The halls of Congress and the United Nations are rumbling with questions from various malcontents who have dared to challenge the Almighty. This may end up being a one man show. And it's not just the countries who have always hated us that are questioning George's war. In Germany, Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder successfully won re-election by running on an anti-Bush, anti-war platform. That action riled up George's cabinet into a royal snit. Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleeza Rice (who are supposed to be the brains of the operation) are now snubbing their German counterparts at a time when we need more international friends, not fewer.

Mickey Rooney's shows were never this much trouble. And we don't have Judy Garland waiting for us over the rainbow this time.

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