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Eighteen
Months of Bush
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7/20/2002
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When you go bowling in the tournament
of life, take great care in selecting your balls.
Ordinarily, daily doses of bush for
eighteen months would be delightful. But these are not ordinary times.
Our dimwitted president has rolled a few strikes since he's been in charge,
but the sounds of his gutter balls are increasingly deafening.
Just so you don't think I'm one
of those negative drones who are always dwelling in the dark clouds, I'll
say a couple of nice things about George. There are at least two things
I admire about him. I'll list these items in the "strike" category.
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He booted the evil asses (Is that what
he meant to say instead of "evil axis"?) of the Taliban straight out of
the seats of power. He said he was going to do it and then he did it. If
he'd apply that kind of focus to the economy, we'd all be a lot better
off.
-
His daughters are party animals! Unlike
all the other uptight, humorless, dour-faced, hard-assed, broom-stick-impaled
troglodytes George has surrounded himself with, Jen and Barb obviously
received the dominant Bush wild-child genes and intend to make full use
of them. Good for them. And their cousin Noelle? Wooo Hooo!
But George apparently shot his wad
with those two strikes. Everything else has been a series of sloppy gutter
balls.
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John Ashcroft - The most dangerous
man in the United States. He's used 9/11 as an excuse to decimate the constitution.
He's given himself the power to throw American citizens into one of his
secret military prisons without charges or attorney access. Think that's
OK? You're next, evil doer. After all, you are
reading this web site. According to John, that's as good as providing comfort
to the enemy. You may as well be walking into Osama bin Laden's cave, handing
over the nuclear device you made in your basement, and giving him a lap
dance to boot. I bet even the rabid right wing religious zealots who gave
John his start in politics are getting tired of his weekly Chicken Little
rants.
John's latest brainstorm to help
us sleep easier at night is called TIPS (To Insure Paranoid Seizures).
The TIPS program encourages anyone who walks into your home, like the cable
guy or the girl from the escort service, to report possible violations
of the law to John himself. You have an illegal alien cleaning your toilets?
Keeping a bag of stash around for emergencies? Copying CDs illegally? See
you in Cuba, you al-Qaeda-loving traitor. TIPS is sure to bring long-awaited
fulfillment to those same drooling, schoolyard rat-fink tattle-tales who
used to turn you in to the teacher for looking up little Sally's dress
during recess. Guys like John Ashcroft.
-
Dick Cheney - Corrupt, arrogant, secretive,
unsmiling, and (we now know) a hell of a lousy CEO. And he's
only one choking pretzel away from the Big Prize. Even George knows he
has to get rid of the Big Dick, and has been seen lately sneaking up behind
him with a blown up paper bag in his hand. Predictions: Resignation for
"health" reasons within a year. Gets indicted. Cops a plea. Wife kicks
his ass.
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Middle East - First George ignored
the whole mess. Then, since he couldn't find Osama, he switched his attention
to Saddam Hussein, a leftover from Poppy's presidency. Trouble is, no one
else is interested. Not Israel, not Kuwait, not Europe, not most Americans.
A cynical person might be justified in suspecting that there may be some
Bush family oil behind all this proposed hostility.
OK. George has some weaknesses.
But life (and the prospect of you retiring anytime in this century) gets
really scary when he starts talking about the economy.
How the fuck should I know? I'm
not a stockbroker!
If you have any investments or a
401(k) retirement plan, and you were lucky enough not to
put your trust in corpulent corporate pigs like the ones who ran Enron,
Global Crossings, WorldCom, Halliburton, Arthur Andersen or ImClone, you're
worth about half what you were when George took office. Half. Where did
the other half go? Kenny Boy Lay's got quite a bit of it and he's skiing
in Brazil right now.
You can't imagine the depths of
George W Bush's grotesque stupidity until he starts talking about the economy.
Watch the stock market tank in real time while George blesses us with his
platitudes. He has no idea what he's saying and no idea what to do about
it. What does he care? He can retire with ease (hopefully in 2005) while
your portfolio is as cold as Ted Williams' corpse.
His lackeys and cheerleaders will
tell you that none of this is George's fault. Betcha can't guess whose
fault it is. None other than that old reliable punching bag, Bill Clinton,
of course. According to this fairy story, Bill had nothing to do with the
booming economy in the eight years he was president, but everything to
do with the cesspool of sinking fortunes in the 18 months he hasn't been
president.
The latest excuse concocted by these
bottom feeders for all the CEO shenanigans is that since Bill lied about
a blow job and got away with it, all the corporate honchos (whose crooked
schlongs haven't been within five miles of any female's lips since the
junior prom, if ever) figured they could get away with cooking the books
and leaving the investors holding the empty bag. Blow jobs to blown jobs.
Yeah, I follow that.
You want to put this economy back
together and have people put their trust in Wall Street again, George?
Send one of these greedy bastards to jail. Just one. Freeze his assets
and lead him away in handcuffs and an orange jump suit. Tell you what:
I'd settle for Kenny Boy Lay, but if you'd find some way to send Big Dick
up the river, I'll forgive everything and change my web site name to johnmonty_loves_georgewbush.com.
But I won't be reserving that URL
just yet.